


Just Keep Trying

by Lacrimosa (humanyubel)



Series: Time is of the Essence [3]
Category: Digimon, Digimon Frontier
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Past Lives, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Best Friends, Body Dysphoria, Character Death, Coming of Age, Digimon Fic in which Digimon actually appear, F/F, F/M, Fairy Tale Elements, Falling In Love, Female Friendship, Female Protagonist, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Character Death, Post-Canon Fix-It, Recovered Memories, Shoujo manga inspired, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Strong Female Characters, Supernatural Elements, Terminal Illnesses, Time Loop, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, Unreliable Narrator, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, accidental misgendering, unreality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-06 19:27:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 28,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8765980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humanyubel/pseuds/Lacrimosa
Summary: Sometimes you do stupid things for your best friend.http://silentpeaches.tumblr.com/post/125291322610/soulmate-au-story-ideas





	1. Introduction: fiori nella brezza

**Author's Note:**

> This goes out to Ti, user FruitSnapple, for faithfully commenting on Summer Skin. I hope I can inspire you as you have inspired and motivated me. I hope you can bear through with this series of mine.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fairytales aren't real and they never will be.
> 
> Right?

_ A beautiful maiden was very lonely. She lived in darkness embroidering words into her skin. She could not see a foot in front of her and had not been able to for a very very long time. She calls out “I want light” and cries tears of frustration. She had tried time and time again to leave her prison. Seeking out light. _

 

_ “You will never leave here. It is impossible.” a voice told her daily. _

 

_ A fallen angel speaks to her and tells her to embroider using magic thread. The beast seduces her with its words and she conspires along with it to overthrow the world. The threads are made of her blood she tells tales of a great warrior. This warrior would hurt any that dared wrong her. The dark room she lived in became her eggshell, her world. One day a common soldier with princely beliefs stumbles across her prison.  _

 

_ He had battled against the great warrior many times and had ran away once. He never expected to find a princess during his bout of “discourage”.  _

 

_ “Who is there?” inquired the princess, voice like sandpaper from disuse.  _

 

_ “I’m here to rescue you.” _

 

_ “I’m fine as I am. There are four walls ‘round me and I never hunger or thirst. Those that have wronged me are punished.” _

 

_ “Is it not lonesome here? By yourself.” _

 

_ “By myself? I’m always by myself and I don’t mind it.” _

 

_ “What of light? Have you only known darkness?” _

 

_ The princess was affronted and speechless for a moment. Light had a meaning to her once? _

 

_ “I’m fine as I am.” she insisted.  _

 

_ The common soldier walked to her in the darkness. She screamed, shrill and her throat burned, not wanting another close to her. He knelt before her.  _

 

_ “We have done battle before but I am only here to offer light to you. Tell me, what do you feel,” he rested his palm over her breast, over her racing pulse. “Are you scared because you think I will kill you or because you think you will do me in?” _

 

_ “I don’t…” she trails off, incapable of remembering. The fallen angel had spoken many words to her but none were meant to comfort. All assuming how she felt. _

 

_ The common soldier held a fire in the palm of his free hand. A spark of something she had never witnessed. In that moment they knew one another’s faces. The princess tentatively reached out a hand to touch the flame. It did not hurt and she could feel its warmth in her chest.  _

 

_ In the pit of her stomach like she had eaten a feast. _

 

_ This was the one she had battled with for so long and now she simply wanted to have him stay.  _

 

_ “Come with me.” _

 

_ “I can’t there is a spell on this place it has cast that will not allow me to leave.” she looked to their hands now carefully intertwined.  _

 

_ “Tell me, before you leave… What is the date?” _

 

_ And the soldier told her. She smiled. _

 

_ “I will come back for you with someone to break the spell.” _

 

_ Their promise was sealed in a single kiss pressed to the princess’ forehead. The soldier left and was struck down by the fallen angel. The princess never learned of this and spent her days trying to escape once more. She embroidered the date they had met into the soft flesh of her inner wrist. His name was tattooed in her heart in that instant. She’d trace over her wrist any time she grew to despair. She was going to find light once more. _

 

_ When she died an angel in heaven begged God to give humans hope. A mark that would allow humans to hold onto something until the day they met the one that would make their soul sing. _

  
  


Izumi had heard this fairy tale many times in her life. She finds herself rewriting the ending many times because, princesses deserve happy endings. She dreams that perhaps the princess was able to escape on her own. Or even that maybe the soldier was not killed. She draws her attention back to the teacher.

 

“Now class, this fairytale has been analyzed by many literary figures in the past. Would anyone like to answer what they think the symbolism meant?” no one raises their hands.

 

“Okay, then what does the soldier represent?” once again no one raises their hands. Crickets would have been deafening in the silence of the classroom. The teacher sighs, exasperated. 

 

“Orimoto san?”

 

“The soldier represents a sexual awakening. He presses his hand to the princess’ breast and has a fire in his free palm. We are lead to believe that it is literal but it says that they knew one another in the light of that flame. She reaches out for it and it does not hurt her. Their meeting could also be her giving in, it says that they did battle many times. She engages in battle with her sexuality and is changed, probably, for the better in the end.” she flips her hair over her shoulder and resumes staring out of the window. They’re cracked open just slightly to allow a soft spring breeze into the classroom.

 

The teacher is speechless for a moment unsure of how to respond. She hadn’t expected for any of her students to take the text seriously. 

 

She clears her throat. 

 

“That is the basic explanation for the tattoos you are born with. In many cultures the story is exactly as you read it, in some, the princess had a twin brother that shared her face. But-” she finds herself cut off by the lunch bell. The students began filing out of the classroom, some staying to eat at their desks. 

 

Izumi wasn’t hungry in the slightest, instead she finds herself pulling out an extra notebook, doodling in the margins of her paper.

 

_ The beautiful princess discovers that the fallen angel had lied to her about never being able to escape. She believes in the common soldier and finds a seam in the wall. She kicks and kicks at it until it gives way. She had been holding herself back all this time. Waiting for her outside is the warrior she had created to punish those that wronged her. He stares her down and she smiles, face shadowed by the light of the setting sun. _

 

_ “I know light now, and you will not harm me.” she opens her arms to embrace the towering figure that had inspired fear in so many before. The skin of the warrior cracks and begins to turn to ash. _

 

_ “I’m sorry you struggled as I did. You hurt those that had already wronged me and gave others no chance, wrongfully believing they would only be evil in the end.”  _

 

_ The warrior kneels before her, head bowed. She presses a kiss to his forehead. The warrior turns to ash before glowing a bright pink. The princess watches as he transforms into a graceful knight with flowing blonde hair and fierce green eyes. _

 

Izumi fingers her own blonde hair, face flushing. She stops trying to write a new end. It wasn’t her fault she wanted the princess to have a protector that represented self respect… She wouldn’t mind saving a princess. Girls have to stick out for each other, after all.

 

Izumi had lived a fairly uneventful life. She spent her early years in life growing up in Japan and had then moved with her family to Italy, taking several vacations in America. Learning Italian and Japanese at the same time was difficult but she managed with the help of tutors and spending her free time studying. 

 

She had gone back to Japan three years ago, she wasn’t sure if Japan was really even home for her at this point. Home was the wind caressing her hair in Italy. Home was a girl in her dreams. When she had first come back her classmates had shunned her, saying she should go back to Italy. She wished she could but she wasn’t going to go home crying because of what anyone told her. They didn't know her and it was fine.

 

It's far too easy to return to last night’s dream. 

 

_ A boy is crumpled on the ground, ugly green uniform torn into shreds. There's blood everywhere and if she looks hard enough she can see a flash of white bone. He can’t move at all. Everything’s on fire, she can breathe though. She is wind. The boy shouts. She's not focused on him right now.  _

 

_ All of her senses are finely attuned to the girl on the other side of the room. Her short blue hair fans out in all directions. She looks down right terrified. She can't move, there's something stopping her.  Like a bubble. The large rabbit like creature towering above them, tall enough to break the gym ceiling, cackles.  _

 

_ Her best friend was in danger just being in the general vicinity. The creature’s voice booms.  _

 

_ “ _ **_Lightning Spear!_ ** _ ”  _

 

_ She lunges forward to intercept the spear. It's loud as it zips through the air. In this world it manifests differently. It snaps in half with the force of her kick. The beautiful girl before her finally notices her presence. _

 

_ “Izumi chan! You weren't supposed to be here! No one was supposed to be here...” Her deep voice calls out to her but she only smiles.  _

 

_ Her chest begins to glow and bird calls fill the air. She's flying, living heroically. Girls had to look out for eachother. She soars up to the creature and delivers a barrage of kicks. She weaves through the air gracefully but with a nearly single minded determinedness. She carves through it at times, legs like drills.  _

 

_ The creature shrieks and swats at her. She's too fast. She yells back at it, voice ear shattering in its volume and pitch.  _

 

_ Everyone in the room still breathing flinches.  _

 

_ “Roseo Temporale!” she rapidly kicks the enemy, finishing off with a backflip kick. It deserved what it got. Hurting others as it had. _

 

_ Her bones shift rapidly. _

 

_ “Gilgamesh Upper!” she delivers a harsh hook before flowing into the next attack.  _

 

_ “Wind of pain!” feathers lodge into the beast’s flesh. _

 

_ She feels the boy with the cracked goggles looking up at her in terrified awe. She goes back and assesses the damage. The monster can barely stand and it's losing a great volume of blood. The gym floor is covered in it. Though she had caused all the wounds there isn't a speck of blood on her body. She feels her bone structure changing every second and winces. It hurt so bad but she couldn't let anyone know, especially not the enemy.  _

 

_ “Izumi!” She moves to swoop down and hoist the boy up but the creature interrupts her.  _

 

_ “ _ **_Thousand Spear_ ** _ ” the creature’s aim is off due to how weak it is. Not a single lightning spear goes in the boy’s direction. She notices that the bubble surrounding the girl is gone. Everything moves in seconds that feel like millennia. The girl’s too off balanced to move. She imagines a red string leading her to the girl. Feels the weight of it against her pinky. _

 

_ She closes in towards the girl and breakneck speed. She manages to blow most of spears away with a large swoosh of air from her Fiorente Furiata. The rest, however, continue on their planned trajectory. She's forced to block them with her body. Arms outstretched, stance defiant. _

 

_ Twenty spears of lightning  go through her flesh and impale her. She coughs up blood in a large puddle at her feet. She coughs again and ends up staining her pink trainers. She hears screaming, faintly. It's a mix of the boy’s and the girl’s.  _

 

_ She isn't sure what's worse, the smell of charred flesh and oozing blood or the screams. _

 

_ She decides to address the boy quickly.  _

 

_ “Izumi what did you do?! You told me to not do something stupid and heroic! You hypocrite, is your pride that big?!” _

 

_ She grits her teeth and bares them at the boy. Anger blooms in her chest. She snarls at him “It’s never been pride! Everything I’ve done for her was out of love! Every single time and in every single life!” She pauses to rip a particularly bad spear out of herself. It burns her hands. If only that senior had realized himself. _

 

_ He's dead. Almost everyone is dead. The little boy is barely identifiable from where she is. The senior was the first to die. He wasn't bad but he hadn't thought. He had tried to shield the small boy from being crushed by a giant palm.  _

 

_ The girl's brother lay next to the boy. Tears making tracks in the grime covering his face. His long blue hair is tied back in a French braid. His now still hand is out stretched towards the boy as if wanting to hold him and exchange strength. He had managed to do so, she had seen the lights only minutes prior. _

 

_ Poor guy. He was in the same boat as her.  _

 

_ “I’ll be her hero. Every time she falters I'll be there to support her until she can stand on her own. Every time she is in despair I will be there to offer her hope! I'll be her knight!” The boy seems confused and is shocked into silence.  _

 

_ She breaks most of the spears lodged through the front of her chest and abdomen off inside of her, burning her hands worse and worse as she goes on. Where they stuck out behind her didn’t matter. She wants to be close to her friend right now.  _

 

_ She drops down to her knees and her body is in utter agony. She reaches out a hand to smooth through the girl’s soft blue hair. She's so beautiful even as her chest heaves with sobs, cheeks flushed a dark red. Her tears seem endless. She reaches her hands out to place them on her shoulders. She’s a little too close to the spears there so she moves the girl’s hands. _

 

_ She hums softly and smiles at the girl. Her hand strokes the girl’s cheek. She gasps and chokes out an “Izumi chan-!” _

 

_ “Don't cry Kouichi chan, us girls need to stick out for each other!” Kouichi’s cheek is so soft and warm under her shaky palm. She’s growing colder and blood is flowing more freely now. Electricity runs through her system, left over from the attacks. _

 

_ As long as she had them inside of her they’d cause her to twitch even in death. _

 

_ What a horrible attack. _

 

_ “How about this… next time I'll get you a dozen red roses. Don't think I'll forget. My memory’s great after all.” She says cutely, free thumb at her lips. Blood collects on it. _

 

_ “Once you defeat the bad guys, I'll tell you a secret…”  _

 

_ Kouichi’s shaking harder, eyes wide and looking at only her. Her world narrows down to just her and Kouichi. “Secrets are best kept between best friends… but until then, take them.” She presses Kouichi’s hand to her breast, heart barely beating.  _

 

_ Kouichi’s hand tremors increase when she realizes what Izumi meant. She thumbs Kouichi’s lower lip tenderly, her blood smearing against chapped lips. She brushes her lips across the bridge of Kouichi’s nose where the cluster of twelve freckles lay.  _

 

_ Her body convulses and she experiences an agony greater than life or death or despair. She bears through it with a smile. Two bursts of light explode from Izumi’s chest, going into Kouichi.  _

 

_ She can't see now or really feel her body. Kouichi takes her into her arms, cheek pressed against the girl’s chest where she can feel her racing pulse. Kouichi calls her name again and again until Izumi’s certain that's the only word she now knows.  _

 

_ ‘So beautiful…’ she thinks, smiling once more.  _

 

_ She reaches up blindly, it hurts so much to move. Kouichi takes her hand in hers. Tears splatter against her face. _

 

_ Kouichi’s face must be covered in her blood now, but it was probably fair since Kouichi’s tears covered hers.  _

 

_ Her lungs and other vital organs had been pierced. It was only the fact that she was wind that allowed her to speak and move for a longer amount of time. Stubbornness keeping her alive just a little longer to be there with Kouichi. _

 

_ Kouichi’s hand  rests atop her own so she laces their fingers together. Like pink and purple ribbons. _

 

_ ‘This is love.’ _

 

Izumi always dreams of her best friend. Dreams of her smile and the shape of her lips as she says her name. The feeling of her tears.

 

There's something heartbreaking about the way her best friend blushes when she’s laughing too hard.

 

She looks down to the half finished sketches of the princess and sighs. She may as well continue her self indulgent fantasies. She begins sketching a purple wedding gown, off shoulder sleeves, with a long veil. A tiara of lilacs and dark red roses adorns her short blue hair. The wedding gown is made of silk on the inside layer of the skirt and the outside layer poofs out just so slightly to accentuate her hips. 

 

The warrior turned knight’s long hair is braided down her back. The pair tie two ribbons together, pink and purple.

 

Izumi didn't understand the sexual awakening spiel everyone went on about. She had a hard time understanding romance at times. She was in love. She had tried noticing others but only one occupied her heart. She only experienced love after she remembered.

 

She knew these weren't just dreams.

 

_ The beautiful maiden reaches out a sun shy hand to take hold of the knight’s armored hand. There was nothing but a pink ball of light inside the armor replacing a flesh and blood body. Glowing emerald replaces her eyes.  _

 

_ The maiden, truly a princess, giggles at the knight.  _

 

_ Their bond had been sealed. They were destined to be together forever. The knight’s princess takes her hand and climbs into the nearly empty armor. The feel of their souls touching is so warm.  _

 

_ Together they set out to find the creature… _

 

Class is drawn back in session before Izumi can finish her revision of the story. The school year was nearly half over, the end of the first semester tests already finished. There wasn't much for her to worry about she passed with high marks in all classes and tests.

 

It was steadily getting colder the later into September they progressed. It was still as humid as ever but instead of being in the 32Cs it was in the 26Cs. 

 

Even at sixteen years old she was still a social outcast. It was partially due to her blonde hair, green eyes, and frequent habit to slip into Italian. It probably also didn’t help that she was one of the tallest people in her school.

 

The teacher begins a lecture on history but she tunes her out. This month was dedicated to soul mates. It wasn't like this was a topic she or anyone else didn't thoroughly know. Having it pounded into their minds since before they could walk.

 

She instead thinks of soft blue hair curled around her finger tips. Soft lips lifted into a smile. The dark red blush staining her cheeks as she-. School really wasn't the time to get lost in thoughts of her best friend. 

 

“Your tattoo will always tell you when you'll meet your soulmate. It's customary to always cover your mark until you meet your soulmate. It's only polite. It's rude to flaunt it about in highschool.” She says voice straining to fill the classroom.

 

Izumi zoned out once again until she hears the final bell. When she looks outside it's raining, skies turning grey. 

 

The class bows to the teacher and they are dismissed for the day. Izumi walks to her cubby and changes out of her school shoes into her pink trainers. 

 

She bends over slightly to pull up her black knee socks. The uniforms are black and blue this time. Crisp white blouse tucked into a dark navy blue skirt that falls just above the knees. The uniform jacket is pressed and stainless, matching the skirt.

 

“Robot!” 

 

“Is she really the top of our grade?”

 

“No one would want a girl that tall!”

 

“She’s like a giraffe!”

 

“I feel bad for her soul mate- if she even has one!” 

 

Izumi pays the whispers surrounding her no attention, far too used to them. She ties her pink cardigan around her waist and brushes her hair out of her face and over her shoulder. She grabs her pink umbrella and tucks it under her arm. It wasn’t her problem if they didn’t like her.

 

She exits the school alone and heads to the bike racks, pink bike standing out against the sea of blue. She undid her bike lock and walks her bike the 6.437 kilometers home. The grey cumulonimbus clouds finally burst like a dam and pour down on the world below. 

 

Izumi watches as lovers duck for cover or huddle under a shared umbrella. 

 

The breeze picks up and tousles her long blonde hair. 

 

When she returns home her Mother’s starting on dinner, slicing fish methodically. Her mother doesn’t appear to notice her. She takes advantage of this and heads into her room to deposit her school bag and change into her after school clothes. Her fashion choice hasn’t really changed since she was eleven. Pinks and blues and purples are key components to any outfit of hers. She slips on fuzzy pink socks and a pair of beige shorts coupled with a pink t shirt.

 

She enters the kitchen and takes out a bottle of water from the fridge. The click of the door closing alerts her mother of her presence. She wipes her hands clean with a dish towel.

 

“Ah~ Izumi chan welcome home! Help with dinner, okay?”

 

_ “You’re such a responsible kid, my Mom couldn’t get me to make dinner even if she paid me money.” _

 

“Okay,” Izumi says, tying her hair back with a spare hair band she found in her shorts’ pocket.

 

The windows fog up and water droplets steadily trail down the surface. 

 

When dinner is done Izumi calls her father to the kitchen. They settle at the dinner table and her parents converse about their day. Izumi nibbles at her Saba Shioyaki. 

 

_ “Izumi chan do you like it?” Kouichi asked, grin spreading across her cute, rosey cheeks.  _

 

_ “Mmm! You're really good in home ec!” Izumi says around the mouthful of chocolate chip cookie. _

 

_ “I'm going to make my grandma really good food until she gets better! She always said she liked food!”  _

 

_ “Here I thought you were practicing to be my wife?” Izumi jokes, eyebrows waggling playfully. _

 

_ “Grandma first marriage next.” _

 

_ “You spoil me too much Kouichi chan! You're the best friend I've ever had.”  _

 

_ “Hey, now you're just buttering me up!” She protests, cheeks darkening.  _

 

_ Izumi flicks her index finger out to bop the bridge of Kouichi’s nose where seven freckles lay. _

 

_ “Can I have another?” _

 

_ Kouichi looks into the container and frowns a little to herself.  _

 

_ “There's only one more, I wanted to try it… wait!” She pulls the remaining out and splits it in half.  _

 

_ Izumi blushes, all too happy to share.  _

 

_ They're the only ones in the classroom currently, none of the students ever wanted to talk to them (unless you counted that senior Shibayama but that had only been to ask Izumi out. He still talks to them sometimes but not too often). Izumi didn't mind too much. She was always alone without Kouichi.  _

 

_ An outsider in her own life.  _

 

_ She stares at her best friend out of the corner of her eye as they enjoy their shared cookie. _

 

_ All she needed was an adventure to dream of. _

 

After dinner Izumi breezes through her homework, showers using that lavender shampoo that was a pain to find, and gets ready for bed. And by “get ready for bed” she meant climb out of her window and lay on her roof to enjoy the breeze. 

 

It was humid outside after the rain and she could feel each beat in her chest languidly. She inhales the thick air. She stares up at the dark sky and the faint twinkle of the stars.

 

Exhales.

 

It'd be so nice to fly again.

 

\----

 

Izumi wakes up far before the sun rises. It's a hot day already even though it was still drizzling. Fog fills the sky, a gray blanket over the area. Bird calls fill the still air. 

 

She's dressed for school that day, pink cardigan tied around her waist and pink umbrella over her head. Her bike wheels don't squeak as they move and her footsteps are as light as air. 

 

She passes a bush on the way and spots a creature with a small body like a sunflower. Slime and rainwater covered its body. The yellow “fur” around its face looked soft to the touch and its tail was shaped like a leaf floating down from a tree.

 

Or perhaps from a beautiful flower.

 

The poor little thing shakes and shivers miserably as if this was its first rain. It lets out a loud sneeze, it's entire body moving with the force of it. 

 

Izumi walks over to it and kneels to shield the small creature with her umbrella. It looks up at her, shocked that she can see it. It's short hair bristles. It starts to move back before recognition flashes in its eyes.

 

She lays her umbrella down, smiling at it as it hops into her expecting arms. She rests her cheek against the soft of its fur, its tail wagging back and forth like an excited puppy. 

 

Izumi quickly gets soaked but she only hugs it more firmly to her chest. When it sneezes again she decides it's time to start moving.

 

She takes her mostly dry pink cardigan and places it in the basket of her bike. 

 

“Would you like to come to school with me?” She offers, head tilting to the side slightly, long blonde hair blowing about in the soft breeze.

 

“Yeah! Yeah!” it squirms gleefully in her arms. Izumi places the small ball of fluff and love into the basket. It rolls around in the soft fabric for a beat, inhaling the smell of it.

 

She slips her school bag over her shoulder and walks her bike with one hand, using the other to shield her new friend from the slight drizzle.

 

“Are you warm enough?”

 

“Yeah! So happy I-zu-mi found!” they walk the majority of the way to school in companionable quiet occasionally the small creature interjects a question.

 

“What’s that?”

 

“That’s a bank.”

 

“What’s it do, I-zu-mi?”

 

“It holds money, we use that to exchange stuff. Like if you wanted food you’d pay money for it.”

 

“Oooh…!”

 

They’re quiet once more until they get to a large hill near the school. She stops in the middle of the empty road, rain pittering and pattering against the pink umbrella. 

 

“Do you want to go faster? Do you trust me?” 

 

“Of course!” as if she had asked the simplest question in the world. 

 

Izumi smiles and folds up her umbrella. It’s small enough when folded up and there’s a part she can clip to her school bag. She wipes off her seat with the sleeve of her uniform jacket and climbs up. She wouldn’t have to pedal once it was started.

 

The pedals spin once and then they’re going down hill, zipping through the air like they were born to fly. The creature giggles and cheers, Izumi joining it.

 

They reach the school in no time after that and by then the sun was just barely starting to rise, the city coming to life with it.

 

Izumi and her friend enjoy the sunrise and the gentleness of the slight drizzle raining down on them. The creature’s stomach growls and Izumi can’t help but laugh.

 

“Would you like something to eat? I have chocolate in my lunch?”

 

“Please?”

 

Izumi takes out her lunch from in her bag and feeds her friend the milk chocolate candy bar with nuts and berries in it she had. It's all devoured in seconds. Chocolate smears all over its face.

 

“Miss any?”

 

“Yes, a lot!” she points out where it’s the worst and watches as the tiny creature swipes its tongue all over its face. After it’s finished it looks up, red eyes wide and vibrant.

 

“I-zu-mi?” 

 

“Yes, Popomon?” 

 

“Hug?” it looks half unsure, as if it trusts her but it’s scared she’ll deny it.

 

“Of course.” Popomon jumps up into her arms once more, snuggling up to her immediately. She presses a kiss to its cheek. Once, twice, and thrice. “For good luck.” she whispers. 

 

“Love I-zu-mi! Love you, I-zu-mi!” Popomon wails.

 

“I love you too, Popomon.” Popomon wails louder, unabashed. A golden light envelops it and when the light fades, Popomon looks incredibly different. It now looked like a cream colored cat with no body and a lizard decided to mesh together and form a completely new being that both was and wasn’t.

 

“What should I call you?”

 

“ Frimon!” it says, ecstatic at its change. “I-zu-mi will wait for Frimon?” Frimon worries its lower lip. Izumi nods her head and kisses its nose to absolve it of worry.

 

“Alla prossim.” Frimon begins to fade from this dimension, grin splitting across its face.

 

“Frimon loves I-zu-mi!”

 

Izumi if left to stand, head bowed, by herself in the drizzle of the rain with the sunrise as her only company.

 

\----

 

Izumi sits in her seat during break attempting to refinish her rewrite of an age old tale. The window is cracked open just the slightest to allow a breeze into the stuffy classroom.

 

When class officially starts, Izumi takes notes as the teacher speaks, copies down what’s on the board. The dry erase marker squeaks on the whiteboard like nails on a chalkboard. 

 

Just because she knew the material didn’t mean she didn’t have to copy it down for participation like everyone else.

 

“Now class there are many different ways a soulmate mark works. In addition to it being the date, only romantic soul mates are in red.”

 

A boy from the first row’s hand shoots up.

 

“Sensei?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“What do you mean by that? Aren’t there only romantic soul mates?”

 

The teacher sighs, face worn out already.

 

“I was just about to explain that,  Nakamura kun.”

 

Nakamura blushes cherry red. Soft giggles fill the classroom.

 

“The writing on your marks are all different. Red means romantic soul mates,” she pauses to playfully glare at Nakamura.

 

“Blue means friendship. Sometimes you are destined to be with a best friend and not a lover. Many of these people are aromantic- they don’t fall in love, or they develop romantic feelings only occasionally. Gold means you are a holy person- like a priest or a nun. You are bound to serve your god first and foremost throughout life and become your God’s “bride”.”

 

The class seems surprised by this little bit of information.

 

“What if you’re color blind?”

 

“Then you can smell it.”

 

“Smell it?”

 

All of their voices soon meld into one inside of Izumi’s head. She wills away the impending headache. 

 

“Red becomes the smell of roses, blue smells like rain, and gold smells like wine.” their teacher explains patiently. 

 

“What if you can’t see and smell?”

 

“Then the marks are like braille.”  the entire class lets out a collective  _ oooh.  _

 

What had they expected? 

 

There isn't much to learn about soulmates at this point in life. Izumi takes notes on things they went over in primary school.

 

The teacher talks for another thirty minutes, the sound of pencil on paper accompanying her soft voice.

 

The breeze caresses through Izumi’s long golden hair. She flips her hair over her shoulder. 

 

“Next we will be working on mathematics.”

 

The teacher goes into a quick review of Order of Operations before launching into fractions and Quadratic Equation.

 

Izumi writes the formula down  and then a sample of it.

 

“It may be possible to also express a quadratic equation as  _ ax _ 2 \+  _ bx _ \+  _ c _ = 0.” Izumi personally hated doing math, but this was easy enough. Occasionally she has to erase something she wrote. She can hear faint whispers and the quiet _ whisp _ of paper through the air. She sees it out of the corner of her eyes but focuses on the taking notes instead.

 

The balled up paper finally crashes and hits the side of Izumi’s face, falling onto her desk. She ignores it and finishes off the last of the notes. Lunch break would be starting in two minutes anyways.

 

When lunch starts she walks over to the boy that had been passing notes with the girl two seats ahead of her. His friends stand by the door and snicker at him. Pity lighting up those faces.

 

“This is yours, I wanted to make sure it got to you. Please take it back.” She says, arm extending out to him. Paper in the palm of her hand the same way you’d hold your hand out to support a frail baby bird. When her hand gets too close, the boy jumps back, flinching hard. 

 

“U-um...it’s fine…. You keep it. I don’t want it.” his eyes dart to anywhere but her. The unsaid “anymore” leaves a bitter taste in her mouth. 

 

They boy rushes to the door to where his friends are and as they leave to buy their lunches Izumi can hear their chortles in the hallway. The relieved sigh of the boy is deafening.

 

Izumi hears a few girls giggling at the front of the class, palms over their lips, eyes like broken glass.

 

“How cruel.” She whispers to herself, voice lilting and akin to the steam coming off of a cup of hot chocolate in the middle of a busy coffee shop. There if you look hard enough. 

 

She tosses the note in the waste bin and heads back to her desk. It wasn’t her problem. She remembers a time where this was utter emotional agony. 

 

_ The new being travels for many days and nights, beauty and determination never fading in the slightest. Everywhere she goes hope springs up and blooms like lovely flowers. Petals carried on by the winds. _

 

_ She speaks to herself, growing stronger with every exchange.  _

 

_ “Will we be able to find it?” _

 

_ “Yes. I can do anything when I am myself.” _

 

_ “We” slowly shifts to “I”. There was no separation of self. Together they were something entirely new. She was something more than she once was. _

 

_ The princess turned knight walks a lonely road but she finds herself never lonely. She is never alone. After traveling far and wide she locates the palace of the fallen angel. It took direct orders from the devil, a once beautiful- _

 

After lunch their teacher begins an English lesson, they were studying fairy tales to go with their history month. 

 

The only thing decent about it were the princess’ dresses. She glances down at their syllabus. At least next week they were watching Mulan. She didn't stand by and let others fight for her. She was strong and feminine and incredibly resourceful. 

 

There only ever seemed to be movies about princesses from Germany. None of them looked like...

 

“Class today we will be starting the movie “Sleeping Beauty” we will spend the next week watching it. To go along with the movie there will be a crossword puzzle everyday. You don’t have to take notes while you watch. After we finish the movie there will be a te-” their teacher’s interrupted by a tentative knock at the door. 

 

“Come in.” she says, tucking a clump of brown hair back behind her ear. Their teacher was a very beautiful woman with light brown hair done in a bob and dark brown eyes framed behind blue lens frames. Her cheeks were pleasantly round as was the rest of her. She had many admirers. 

 

Izumi didn’t really focus too much on physical details, in fact she rarely looked at her teacher or anyone else for the matter. Content to study, think, go home. Rinse and repeat.

 

That second part was probably a lie.

 

The door slides open and the person from outside steps in, shoes creating a faint squeaking sound. A familiar scent accompanying it. 

 

Izumi didn’t really focus too much on physical details, but the person standing at the front of the class room made her heart beat a furious tattoo in her breast.

 

_ Bellissima…. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Pas de deux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting your best friend is always tough.
> 
> I know who you are  
> Near my heart  
> Every moment you are
> 
> I know who you are  
> Of all my dreams  
> The sweet object of my dreams  
> It's all an illusion and nothing more
> 
> My heart knows that in reality  
> You will come to me  
> And you will love me  
> Even more
> 
> My heart knows that in reality  
> You will come to me
> 
> And you will love me  
> Even more  
> I know who you are  
> Near my heart  
> Every moment you are
> 
> I know who you are  
> Of all my dreams  
> The sweet object of my dreams
> 
> Even though in my dreams  
> It's all an illusion and nothing more  
> My heart knows that in reality  
> You will come to me
> 
> And you will love me  
> Even more  
> I know who you are  
> Near my heart  
> Every moment you are  
> -I Know it ( From Sleeping Beauty)

At the front of the classroom the girl of her dreams shuffled her feet. Arms at her sides. She wore white pants and a long sleeved maroon shirt under a green dress shirt. Her short blue hair was mussed slightly as if she had been in a rush this morning or she kept running through her hands through it. 

 

“Where is your uniform?” their teacher asks.

 

“My Mother couldn't afford one at the moment, the principle said it'd be fine for now…” 

 

The teacher covers her mouth in realization.

 

“Oh! You must be the new transfer student. I’m sorry!” she begins, cheeks flushing slightly.

 

“Class this is the new transfer student we weren’t expecting until tomorrow...I didn’t get to prepare any of you for this, sorry. Please introduce yourself to the class.”

 

“My name is Kimura Kouichi. I’m sixteen years old, please take care of me.” she bows to the class and straightens immediately afterwards, hand at the back of her hair. “Sensei what is your name?”

 

“Oh it’s Koizumi…”

 

“Koizumi sensei.” she says, testing out the new name.

 

“Now let's get you seat-” she cuts herself off abruptly. The only free seats were the ones surrounding Izumi.

 

“Sensei, there’s a seat right next to me.” Izumi raises her voice to be heard from where she was. Kouichi’s eyes lock onto hers, face flushed with surprise. Izumi tosses her long blonde hair over her shoulder and out of her face.

 

“I’ll sit there, Koizumi sensei.” Kouichi says with a small smile. She walks away before the teacher can say anything else. Kouichi takes her seat and digs through her school bag for a pencil and a notebook. After a minute of searching for a pencil she sighs.

 

Izumi passes her a mechanical pink pencil, offering her a smile along with it. Their fingertips brush. Kouichi blushes and smiles back. On the bridge of her nose lay a cluster of twelve freckles. Like stars twinkling on a dark night.

 

“Back to what I was discussing before, class. There will be a test after we finish the movie. Half of it will be on vocabulary and the other will be on the events of the story, plot, and characters. The questions won’t be too hard if you pay attention in class, so don’t fret.” Koizumi sensei says.

 

It was weird, she had never really paid attention to their teacher’s name, not since the first day of school when she had looked at the girl disdainfully. She looked like a foreigner. Though they lived near Tokoyo they were all still surprisingly traditional.

 

The teacher starts the movie and dims the lights. Music fills the classroom.

 

**_I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream…_ **

 

**_I know you that gleams in your eyes is so familiar a gleam._ **

 

**_Yeah, I know it’s true, that visions are seldom all they seem._ **

 

**_But if I know you, I know what you’ll do, you’ll love me at once_ **

 

**_The way you did once…_ **

 

**_Upon a dream._ **

 

The opening credits fill the screen. She wished this would end soon. She hears the faint movement of papers and spots a folded note on her desk. When she glances at Kouichi, the girl is facing the front, as if nothing was out of sorts.

 

_ What’s your name? My name is spelled “Kouichi”. _

 

She scratches out a quick reply, handwriting like flowers gliding across a gentle breeze.

 

_ My name is Orimoto Izumi. You can call me “Izumi”.  _ She pauses for a moment in consideration.  _ Your name is very beautiful.  _

 

She passes the note back to the girl, chin resting in her palm. Her heart was beating loud enough to drown out the sound of the movie.

 

_ Izumi? Like spring? That’s very pretty, Izumi...chan(?).  _ The words “ _ thank you _ ” are scratched out. Once...then once again to be sure.

 

_ Yes. I really like your hair, is that your natural color?  _ She adds _ My hair color is natural.  _ As to not make her uncomfortable.

 

_ It is actually. I’ve gotten questions about it. Your hair is so long, is it hard to take care of? _

 

_ No. You don’t have to be so polite, Kouichi chan.  _ Kouichi lets out a sigh of relief.

 

_ Thank you, I’ve been nervous since Koizumi sensei called me out. I haven’t been to public school in awhile.  _ The way she naturally switches over to “ore” is cute. Izumi can’t help but giggle into her palm.

 

_ She’s nothing to worry about. Was it lonely in the hospital? _

 

Kouichi’s face drains of color for a second. Hand ever so slightly shaky. She’s right handed. Izumi’s skin feels too tight for a moment.

 

_ How’d you know that I was in the hospital? _

 

_ I passed the school’s office earlier this week. They were talking about a new exchange student. I figured it was you. _

 

She hated lying but it wasn’t a flat out lie. There was some truth to her message at least. 

 

_ You’re very observant, Izumi chan. It was very lonely actually. Do you know loneliness well? _

 

_ Yes. _ She writes. Kouichi doesn’t send her anymore notes during the rest of the movie.

 

At the end of the day they all bow to their teacher and are dismissed. Izumi walks to to where their cubbies are located, slipping on her pink trainers and tucking her school shoes away. She ties her pink cardigan around her waist and takes out her pink umbrella. Same thing she did every day.

 

“Oh...overtime, huh? Okay. Yeah, I’ll be safe. I was fine coming back earlier. I love you too.” Kouichi stands by the exit of the school, breeze caressing through her short blue hair.

 

It’s drizzling and the humidity is rising as the clouds get darker. Izumi walks up to Kouichi, slipping her arm through the other girl’s. She startles for a moment, looking over at Izumi.

 

“I can walk you home. My umbrella’s big enough for two.” 

 

“Izumi chan…” Kouichi’s smile is more beautiful than any twinkling star in the sky above. She straightens her shoulders and nods. 

 

They walk together to where Izumi’s bike is locked up. A few people point and giggle but Kouichi’s too caught up talking about the movie they had watched in class.

 

“I get it, it’s supposed to be romantic. I don’t like it so far though…I feel kind of bad for Maleficent, she wasn’t invited, but she’s the villain?” Izumi passes her umbrella off to Kouichi.

 

“Did you know it was extremely disrespectful. The birth and inevitable baptism of the new princess or prince was very public. It was a miracle that Aurora was born and they wanted to share that. By saying that Maleficent wasn’t invited...That was a horrible insult. A woman needs to stand up for herself.” Izumi finishes, unlocking her bike and turning around to face Kouichi. She’s bent over the bike just slightly. Blonde hair like a curtain over her shoulder, shielding her face partially.

 

Kouichi stood there, slack jawed, umbrella gripped tight in her white knuckled grasp.

 

“Don’t you agree? Ne, Kouichi chan?”

 

Kouichi swallows around a lump in her throat, nodding.

 

Together they walk home. When the rain picks up Izumi unties her cardigan and drapes it over the other girl’s shoulders. Her shivering lessens slightly. Her cheeks flush with the slight cold and her breathing is raspy.

 

Izumi stops where she is on the side of the street. Kouichi stops with her looking confused. Izumi sighs through her nose.

 

“What direction do you live?”

 

“To the left.”  _ So far away…. _

 

Izumi makes sure her bag is secured and hops onto her bike. Kouichi stands there under the pink umbrella, Izumi’s cardigan slipping off one shoulder. Kouichi sets her school bag down on the dirty ground and slips the cardigan on. The sleeves bunch awkwardly but she looks comfortable. Izumi watches her under her lashes. 

 

She slips her bag over her shoulder and moves to stand beside Izumi once more.

 

“Kouichi chan get on the back I’ll go slow so you can have the umbrella over yourself.”

 

“I’m fine…”

 

“You’re really out of breath. I don’t mind just get on the back.”

 

“But I'm fine, really I don't need to.” Kouichi waves her hands in front of her, stubborn as a mule. She grips the umbrella handle tighter. 

 

“It'll be quicker plus if I don't exercise how will I keep my looks about me?” She strikes a silly pose on her bike, lower lip pouty.

 

“You're silly.” Kouichi wheezes a laugh. She finally complies, climbing onto the back and resting a hand on Izumi’s shoulder.

 

Izumi pedals, mostly letting them glide across the side of the road. A few cars pass them by but don't appear to take notice of the two girls. 

 

When they reach Kouichi’s apartment they stop down at the base of the building, Izumi propping her bike against the structure.

 

Kouichi and her Mother lived in the second floor. They go through a double door, inside there’s an elevator and creaky stairs. The floor number is painted above the stairs. The area is warm and dry and that's all she can really ask for at the moment. 

 

The rain comes to a halt outside.

 

Izumi wonders for a brief second if they'll be taking the stairs, she’s quickly answered when Kouichi walks over to the elevator and presses the button for the second floor. The doors creak open and together they step in.

 

The ride up is short, Izumi humming a song some of the other girls and class had listened to during break.

 

Kouichi fishes her keys out of her pocket, pausing at the door, keys raised, head bowed.

 

“Would you like to stay for dinner?”

 

“My parents don't know where I am right now they'd be worried with out me warning them.” 

Kouichi’s shoulders droop. Izumi reaches out a hand to touch the other girl’s bicep. Her fingers curl against the soft material of the pink cardigan.

 

Underneath it she can feel the other girl’s warmth. 

 

“Is it okay if I come over tomorrow? Maybe we could have a sleepover this weekend?” She offers, she'd rather stay but there were times she had to say no and be responsible.

 

“I'll walk you home tomorrow, Kouichi chan.” Kouichi nods, smiling cheeks a pretty pink.

 

“Have a good night, Izumi chan.”

 

Izumi waits until she's locked the door behind her to leave. She takes the creaky old stairs two at a time. Her school skirt fluttering around her thighs. 

 

As suddenly as the rain ceases it begins again, heavy rain pouring down. Izumi walks through the nearly pitch darkness. It had taken quite awhile to get to Kouichi’s apartment and the rain certainly wasn’t helping. She remembers long ago when she was extremely afraid of the dark.

 

_ “Izumi do you really need a night light?” _

 

_ “Yes! I do Mama…” a nine year old Izumi fervently protests. _

 

_ “The beautiful lights of Italy will illuminate your fears.” her Mother cracks open the window to let in a gentle breeze. _

 

_ Izumi shakes and shivers, head hidden under her covers until she can’t bear to keep her wide eyes open any longer. _

 

She hadn’t been able to get over her fear until the first time. 

 

Now as she walks in the dark, rain pouring down on her, she couldn’t be more comfortable. She’s soaked through and her hair lays plastered to her forehead but that hardly mattered. She had a good 14.4841 kilometers left until she got to the  _ school.  _

  
_ “I mean, don’t do something stupid and heroic. You can stop being the hero.” she unceremoniously deposits him back to the floor, flipping her long blonde hair over one shoulder. In that moment she looks like she has wings shimmering behind her. _

 

“The hero, huh?” she says aloud to herself. No one was around to hear but it wasn’t as if that was something she wasn’t used to. She takes her time walking home, sky getting darker with every minute passing. She wipes her eyes free of rainwater every dozen steps. Her body doesn’t feel right.

 

Was this even her body?

 

At least her school bag was leather, so nothing would get in it. 

 

As she reaches the school she sees flashes of movement. Izumi squints at the movement, the rain and the dark of the evening making it difficult for her to see. It’s a small yellow ball of fluff, it’s frill standing up like a lizard.

 

“Frimon?” she calls out, sure about her observation. Frimon stops spinning in place and stares over to her in awe. It stood near the bikes, small nose running.

 

“I-zu-mi!” Frimon shouts in its small voice, it bounces over to her quickly.

 

“I-zu-mi!” Frimon hops up into her expectant arms. Its entire body quaking from the rain.

 

“What are you doing out here, Frimon?”

 

“Frimon waited for I-zu-mi!” Izumi giggles and kisses the small creature on the forehead. It blushes slightly at the affection.

 

“I was at a friend’s house. I had to drop her off...Now let’s get you home and out of the rain, does that sound good?” she offers her small friend. 

 

“Okay!” Izumi doesn’t have anything to use as a blanket in her basket, at least nothing mostly dry.

 

“I’m going to stuff you in my shirt is that okay?”

 

“Okay!” her skin feels slightly feverish in comparison to the chill of Frimon’s small body. It peaks up at her, eyes twinkling in adoration. She mounts her bike and begins to pedal.

 

“I’ll get us home really quick, you can have hot chocolate when we get home?” 

 

“Oh! Oh! What’s hot chocolate?!” Frimon squirms excitedly from its place in Izumi’s shirt.

 

“Hey your fur tickles don’t move until we get home, okay?” she sighs and stands up to pedal, legs working harder a she got them to climb up the hill. “Hot chocolate is a drink. You’ll love it, Frimon~” From there on it was a fairly easy ride. It only took about fifteen minutes on her bike. She parks her bicycle at the front of her family’s house. The lights are off and the door is locked tight.

 

“Date night…”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“My parents go hang out in town, sometimes they go to a bar.” Izumi takes her keys out of her school jacket pocket and unlocks the door, leaving her umbrella outside. She kicks off her shoes and carries Frimon upstairs to her room. She’s silent as she walks around the house.

 

Frimon hops out of her shirt and jumps around, quite literally bouncing off the walls. It lets forth a stream of rapid fire questions.

 

“What’s this?” it points to the windows.

 

“Ooh where does I-zu-mi sleep?”

 

“What are parents?”

 

“Frimon loves I-zu-mi!”

 

Izumi does her best to steer her hyperactive friend up towards her room.

 

“Those are windows. I sleep up here,” she opens up her bedroom door and Frimon barrels in. “Parents take care of you from when you’re born until you grow up.” she smiles and grabs a large nightshirt and shorts. The shirt is made of a soft pink material, worn from use but just as soft as the first day she got it. It has a purple heart across the chest. Her shorts are a gentle shade of yellow, like sunflowers and button up in the front.

 

“Want to get a bath? It’ll warm us up and then we can have hot chocolate?”

 

“A bath?”

 

“Hot water and soap to get the grime and cold out of our bones.” she pats the small creature’s head. Frimon enthusiastically agrees, giggling loudly. “Try not to get stuck under the bed, I’ll be right back.”

 

She sets her clothes on the edge of the sink and two towels. She leans over the tub and fiddles with the knobs, searching for the most comfortable water temperature balance. Her hand under the faucet. Water slips through the space between her long slender fingers. Like lost opportunities. 

 

_ Tu sei la donna dei miei sogni. _

 

_ Giorno e notte sogno solo di te….. _

 

_ Sposami! _

 

Izumi’s snapped out of her thoughts by the feel of something headbutting her ankle. She looks down to see Frimon crying.

 

“I-zu-mi?” Frimon whimpers. “Why is I-zu-mi crying?”

 

Izumi’s hands go to her face immediately, her face is damp with tears. An endless river.

 

“Don’t cry, I-zu-mi!” She crumples to her knees, face in her hands; eyes endlessly wide. She couldn’t remember crying, hadn’t felt anything in a number of minutes. Frimon jumps into her lap, hopping up and down to try and see her face better.

 

It whimpers again. “Is I-zu-mi okay? It hurts...” her heart feels so heavy. Time feels like it’s trying to catch up to her. Like some horrible angel of death. She covers her face and silently sighs. 

 

She removes her hands and peaks at Frimon, a cheerful smile on her face. Rainwater runs down from her hair into her eyes. Blonde strands darkened into a sweet honey. She gathers her friend into her arm and embraces it.

 

“I’m okay~” she plants a kiss on its cheek. “It’s okay, don’t worry Frimon. Let’s get into the bath!” she squirts some of her lavender scented bubble bath mix in. Frimon giggles as the bubbles pop and float across the room. 

 

Izumi strips out of her school uniform, it clings to her and her socks are a real pain to peel off. Izumi picks up Frimon, pressing it close to her chest. She lowers herself into the tub and sighs. Her head tilts back against the wall. She lets go of Frimon and tucks her knees up under her chest, content to just soak in the bathtub for a minute.

 

Frimon’s fairly quiet, only splashing around a little.

 

“Come over here, Frimon I’ll wash your fur for you.” she sets Frimon on her knee and reaches for her lavender shampoo. Uncapping the bottle she squirts a little into her palms, rubbing her hands together. She runs her hands all along the available fur, working out small knots with her fingertips. 

 

Frimon sighs, going completely limp against her.When she finishes getting all the shampoo into its fur she starts on washing her own hair. She sings softly in the small bathroom, voice echoing softly against the walls.

 

“No matter what the time, we'll always be together...No matter what the time,” Steam rises from the tub like a summer daydream. “Because you're by my side, the light known as "you" finds me, in the middle of the night.”

 

“What’s I-zu-mi singing?” Frimon asks, turning around on her knee to face the girl.

 

“It’s a song that came out a few years ago. It was in a game called Kingdom Hearts.”

 

“Oh...It sounds kind of sad?” Frimon shifts and nuzzles her arm.

 

“I don’t think so.” she offers a secretive smile to her companion. Frimon’s eyes widen cutely. 

 

Izumi scoops up handfuls of water and washes off most of the soap clinging to Frimon’s fur. She rises from the tub and unplugs the drain, starting up the shower head. She kneels down in the tub to work the rest of the shampoo out of Frimon’s fur before standing to work the soap out of her own hair. When they step out she wraps Frimon in a large pink towel. 

 

Frimon giggles as she runs the towel all over it to dry it, its hair sticks up cutely. She dries her hair much more slowly and pats the water from her body so she can change into her nightclothes. She gathers up her clothes to be put in the wash and dryer, Frimon bouncing along after her. 

 

Frimon presses against the washer to feel the movements of it, finding great amusement in it. 

 

Izumi heats the two of them up leftover spaghetti, paying to attention to the note her Mother had left behind for her. She already knew what it said. Frimon digs into its portion as she makes them hot chocolate. Putting in a drop of vanilla extract in each mug (well a mug and a small bowl so Frimon can drink it). Marshmallows are an essential part of any hot chocolate so she’s extra generous tonight.

 

“My Mom and Dad prefer tea or coffee but I like hot chocolate the best.” she explains to Frimon, pushing the small bowl in front of it.”Drink it slowly it’s still hot and you just got cleaned up.” Frimon only had a tiny amount of spaghetti sauce on its face. A vast improvement from its last visit.

 

“Okay!” Frimon drinks the hot chocolate as slowly as it can.

 

“Mmmh! It tastes so good! Frimon loves chocolate, I-zu-mi! What’s the white stuff?”

 

“Marshmallows, they taste sweet?”

 

“Yeah!” when they finish their food and drinks Izumi sees it’s almost ten o’clock. 

 

“Want to brush your teeth with me?”

 

“Sure?!” Izumi leaves their dishes to soak in the kitchen. 

 

She goes the the bathroom again and takes out her pink toothbrush. Squirting a generous dollop of mint toothpaste onto it. “Watch me?” she asks, head tilting to the side slightly, Frimon nods.

 

She goes through the motions of showing it how to brush your teeth, going up and down, in small circles, washing your tongue.

 

“Can I-zu-mi wash Frimon’s teeth?” Frimon opens its mouth up wide, showing off its small teeth, canines longer than the rest.

 

“Sure thing. You have such cute teeth~” Izumi reuses her own brush and applies a little more mint toothpaste to the brush. “Don’t swallow okay, it’s not for eating.”

 

Frimon recoils from the sharp taste of mint for a second before allowing Izumi to continue. It’s a slow process, taking a minute and a half as opposed to her own minute. She has it gurgle water and spit it out. 

 

“Now your breath smells really good!”

 

“Really?”

 

“I wouldn’t lie.” Izumi plants a kiss to the drying fur on Frimon’s cheek. “Is it okay if I brush your fur?”

 

“Brush?” Frimon takes a leap of faith and trusts Izumi once again. 

 

“Mmm.” Izumi runs her brush through Frimon’s fur, untangling any knots and when she’s done its fur is as soft as silk.

 

“Woah!” Frimon exclaims, rubbing its fur against Izumi’s cheek. Izumi brushes her own long blonde hair. She lets Frimon rub it’s face in it. “It’s so soft, I-zu-mi!” Frimon yawns, entire body moving with the force of it.

 

“Let’s go to bed.”

 

Frimon bounces off the walls slightly less than before. Izumi crawls into bed and watches Frimon jump up with her. Bouncing on the mattress for a minute in excitement.

 

“Frimon?”

 

“I-zu-mi?”

 

“I love you.” Frimon stills, eyes wide as if it still has trouble believing her. Tears well up in its eyes. It bounces over to Izumi, golden light enveloping it’s body. It lands in Izumi’s lap looking completely different.

 

The small creature looked like a lion cub, yellow fur shining like gold in the small amount of light available in Izumi’s room. A tuft of red hair grows at the top of its head, its eyes a soft blue- like diamonds. A thick golden band with a small green stone hanging from it adorns its neck.

 

When it realizes itself it jumps back and hits her wall, fear in its eyes.

 

“Frimon evolved?” it whispers to itself.

 

“What should I call you?”

 

“L-liollmon..” it trails off, back still pressed to the wall. Izumi shifts over to lay on her back, propping her head up with her arm,

 

“Come to me, Liollmon.” she says, patting a place for it to lay beside her under the sheets.

 

“Liollmon doesn’t want to hurt I-zu-mi!” Izumi looks to its sharp claws. Sharp enough to slice her to ribbons. 

 

“I know you’ll never hurt me, come to bed I’m really tired, let’s sleep.” She offers again, patting the space beside her. “We’ll always be friends.” Liollmon breaks down crying tears of elation, bounding over to her. It accidentally rips up part of her sheets but she waves it off. 

 

Frimon perches next to her and she runs a gentle hand through its fur. Even then it doesn’t seem to relax. Izumi sighs and picks up her friend, setting it on her chest, front paws resting against her sternum. It’s head nuzzles into the space between her chin and chest, soft exhales fanning against her neck.

 

“That’s better, isn’t it?” Liollmon makes a low contented noise, relaxing quickly. Izumi pulls the covers over them and hugs Liollmon closer, stroking through the fur on its back. It felt so soft.

 

“Liollmon?”

 

“I-zu-mi?”

 

“You know you can stay here, forever, with me? I won’t let you ever feel lonely and we can eat and sleep and take baths together. You don’t have to leave… We can be together and have fun.” Tears stream slowly down her face.

 

“Liollmon can’t… it takes so much energy to just be here…”

 

“You’re so strong already...I’m so proud of you…” Izumi pauses, taking in a breath. “When you become strong enough can you try to stay here? With me?”

 

In the darkness of her room neither of them make a noise for a very long time.

 

“Liollmon loves I-zu-mi….” Liollmon says finally.

 

“I love you Liollmon.” Its quiet, soft breaths coming from Liollmon. “You can come here anytime. Through my window.”

 

“Okay, I-zu-mi!”

 

This was good enough. They drift off to a peaceful rest together. 

 

_ Izumi lay together in her bed with Kouichi, talking about video games they were interested in. A half empty soda can next to them, forgotten in their excitement. _

 

_ “I’m excited for the newest Kingdom Hearts.” _

 

_ “Yeah, me too.” Kouichi’s head rested against her stomach, her hands running through it freely. Silky blue hair tangled around her long slender fingers.  _

 

_ “Izumi chan?” _

 

_ “Yes?” she continues playing with her hair. Kouichi turns her head to look at Izumi. _

 

_ “We should play soccer when it starts to get warm out again…” nine freckles adorn the bridge of her nose. Izumi smiles at her and Kouichi smiles back. When Kouichi resumes staring up at the ceiling, day dreaming, Izumi lets her smile become sad. _

 

_ “Significhi tutto per me.” her fingers become even gentler.  _

 

_ “What’d you say?” _

 

_ “I said you’re growing lazy! Waiting until the summer?” _

  
_ “I know you don’t like the cold, Izumi chan. I can wait until then.” _


	3. When in Rome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izumi dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Misgendering, ableism, character death, graphic depictions of violence maybe? Really uncomfortable situations that hurt to write actually.

 

Izumi bolts out of bed, heart racing. Intense images of a car crash dance across her vision like some twisted reminder. As if she could forget. Liollmon is nowhere to be found so she allows herself to break down and cry.

 

Her sheets are torn as she gathers them closer to herself and shakes, tears like rain against her sheets. She rises out of bed on trembling legs, stretching the soreness out of her body. She pulls her uniform out of the dryer, dressing quietly in the bathroom. After she prepares her lunch she’s out of her home in less than ten minutes, door locked tight behind her.

 

The sun hadn’t risen but it wasn’t raining either. It wasn’t supposed to rain today, the large puddles left everywhere from the night before the only hints of rain. The air was thick with early morning as she walked her bike to school. She was usually an hour and a half early to school. As she reaches the school she looks to her left. Gnawing on her lower lip.

 

She could be there and back in forty minutes…

 

She secures her school bag and pedals towards Kouichi’s house. 

 

Going her fastest she was able to shave the time down by two minutes.

 

She stands outside Kouichi’s apartment complex, thinking. After ten minutes of debating with herself she gives in and walks through the door. She wasn’t a coward but she didn’t want Kouichi to think she was weird. It took a few years to get used to Japan’s social norms, but she still didn’t like them.

 

She bumps into a woman with long blue hair in a ponytail, she’s dressed in scrubs and carries a blue thermos. The woman almost falls over but Izumi sweeps her off her feet. They stand there for a moment in shocked silence, the woman’s arms wrapped around Izumi’s shoulders.

 

Like she was some kind of knight in shining armor.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Hahahaa yeah! I’m okay, I mean are you? Okay that is? I didn’t mean to bump into you like that but I was making sure my son was okay before I left for work. He had a fever last night but it broke, it must’ve been the cold.” she babbles on, arms moving around slightly. 

 

“You’re really strong, huh? Are you one of the new tenants?” the woman looks exhausted, dark circles around her eyes.

 

“I’m a friend from school, I’m here to walk Kouichi chan to class.” the woman’s eyes light up.

 

“Really you’d do that?”

 

“We’re friends, of course I would.” recognition sweeps through the woman’s eyes.

 

“You must be Izumi chan! I’m Kouichi’s Mother. He mentioned you walked him home last night! Thank you! He has a heart condition he really should be in the hospital but he says he had to be in real school, he felt like he had to meet someone.”

 

“Ah, that explains it. Kimura san your hair is messed up.” Izumi points out. Kouichi’s Mother shifts around and reties her pony tail. 

 

“Thanks, Izumi chan….” she realizes what position they’re in and laughs. “You can let me down now.” Izumi gently sets her down.

 

“Kouichi chan wanted me to come over tonight for dinner and maybe this weekend for a sleepover.” Kouichi’s Mother looks surprised for a second.

 

“I don’t mind as long as your parents don’t mind. I don’t get home until late most days. I work two jobs…” she begins to walk off, pausing at the door.

 

“Oh, and Izumi chan?”

 

Izumi doesn’t answer, knowing she isn’t supposed to.

 

“Take care of my son, please.” with those parting words she’s gone.

 

Izumi stands there, boring holes into the ground. So she didn’t know? She takes the steps two at a time and raps on the door. Kouichi answers her, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. She’s still in her pyjamas, large purple shirt covering her underwear.

 

She blinks blearily at Izumi before she does a double take. Her eyes widen almost comically. 

 

“Izumi chan? What are you doing here so early?”

 

“I wanted to make sure you made it to school on time. Can I come in?”

 

“O-of course you can. Come in that is…” she fumbles for a second, pulling the door open wider. Izumi slips in like a gentle spring breeze. 

 

“This is a wake up call, time to get dressed, Kouichi chan!” Kouichi rubs her eyes, nodding.

 

“Okay, okay...I’ll be out in a minute.”

 

Kouichi emerges from her room after a few minutes, short hair still in disarray. Bedhead looked cute but a pain to deal with in school.

 

“Grab a comb real quick I’ll brush your hair for you.” Kouichi rubs her eyes again and yawns. 

 

“Didn’t sleep well?”

 

“Not really, I wait up for my Mother after work…”

 

“Ah,” Kouichi grabs the brush her Mother had left on the floor not that long ago. Izumi gently takes it from the other girl and runs it through her hair, working out the knots and tangles, her hair was still so soft even when it looked like birds were living in it.

 

“All good now. Let’s go, you can ride on the back of my bike again.” there’s less protesting than last time. Kouichi’s cute yawns echo in the nearly empty apartment.

 

Kouichi locks the door behind them and they take the elevator down, avoiding the stairs. 

Kouichi slumps against her back, arms wrapped around Izumi’s shoulders as they ride to school. She can hear the other girl snoring directly into her ear. She goes as fast as she can without jostling her friend from her position. She looked like she needed the sleep. 

 

A few students and most of the teachers are there by the time they get to school. Kouichi shows no signs of waking up so Izumi locks up her bike and hoists the other girl up to carry her piggyback style. 

 

No one appears to notice them as Izumi carries Kouichi to the cubbies. Kouichi had gotten her school shoes at the start of the day yesterday. Her cubby was next to Izumi’s, the only free space available. She changes both of their shoes and resumes carrying Kouichi to class. The girl curls up at her desk and smiles in her sleep.

 

Izumi sits on top of her desk, hand reaching out to stroke through Kouichi’s hair. There was a good thirty five minutes until the teacher or anyone else came.

 

Izumi pulls out her spare notebook and begins to sketch, lines curving softly into the beautiful girl before her. She stood out against the paper like a fairy tale dream. Only a few teachers came in before the students and unfortunately, their teacher was one of them. 

 

Koizumi sensei eyeballs the pair before setting up for the day. She sends Izumi a glare, eyes gleaming. She had been nothing but the best student so far in this year. 

 

“Don’t do anything.” she says as the door slams shut behind her. Kouichi startles at the loud noise, head whipping back and forth trying to pinpoint where it came from.

 

“Good morning, sleepy head.” Izumi says, voice soft, eyes softer. 

 

“Good morning, Izumi chan.” Kouichi yawns and stretches her arms above her head. Her back and shoulders let out a few satisfying pops. “Did class start yet?”

 

“Not yet.” Kouichi lets out a sigh of relief.

 

“Let’s do our best today?”

 

“Mmm!” Izumi agrees, smile spreading across her face.

 

\----

 

Class breezes by that day, speeding through in snapshots. That is, until Physical Education came around. Luckily enough they had the same timeslot. Unfortunately the teachers assigned Kouichi to line up with the boys and head into the changing room.

 

“Sensei…”

 

The boys gym teacher looked over at Kouichi, eyes urging her to hurry up and talk.

 

“Sensei I have a heart condition I can’t do this class. I was just taken out of the hospital two days ago…”

 

“That’s ridiculous everyone can do this class!” the boys teacher argued.

 

“Please my Mother would throttle me if she found out I was in Physical Education while I was recovering.” Kouichi raises her hands as if to draw a barrier between her and the teacher

 

“Nonsense, go get dressed with the other boys. There’s a spare uniform in that locker over there.” A few of the boys chuckle at Kouichi as they tuck their shirts into their shorts.

 

“Sensei-” a boy about 5.08 cm shorter than her shoves at her.

 

“Yeah get dressed, there’s nothing to be shy ‘bout.”

 

Izumi couldn’t handle the parts of the exchange she heard from her place outside of the locker room. She slams the door open and a few boys rush to cover themselves. She locks eyes with Kouichi and sees barely suppressed anger and frustration in her blue eyes.

 

“Sensei… You do know that Kouichi chan has a heart condition, right?”

 

“You’re not supposed to be in here, Orimoto.” she takes a step closer and glowers down at her teacher, eyes a green tempest of emotions. 

 

“Kouichi chan could keel over and die while running laps. Kouichi chan’s heart could straight up stop. Do you want to have that on your hands? I’d  _ never  _ forgive you.”

 

“Don’t joke about such serious things, Orimoto!” The teacher’s face goes bright red.

 

“As if I’d ever joke about something like that. I don’t plan on letting Kouichi chan die because of a teacher’s stubbornness.” 

 

The teacher’s face nearly turns purple. “I’m getting the girl’s instructor to talk about this! Stay put, both of you.” 

 

Izumi stands there, back straight, uniform making her legs feel cold. She felt like she was wearing a shirt tucked into her underwear. It didn’t bother her but it was colder in the boys’ locker room. 

 

“Izumi chan? How did you know about..?”

 

“I bumped into your Mother this morning.” Kouichi’s mouth opens up into a surprised “oh”.

 

“Thank you...I didn’t want to get into a fight with a teacher this early into my school year..” She looks bitter at having done nothing. 

 

“ È stata un piacere...My pleasure.” Izumi brushes her long blonde hair over her shoulder. Kouichi’s eyes widen in surprise.

 

“What language were you speaking?”

 

“Italian. I’m fluent in it…” she trails off, eyes unable to leave Kouichi’s. Her blue eyes shimmered with excitement.

 

“It sounds so pretty when you say things like that. Maybe you could teach me?” She laughs, smile bright. Izumi smiles back.

 

“So she  _ can _ smile!” a boy whispers towards the back, mostly stripped down. Izumi glares at him for not having the decency to cover up a little more. “Pervert.” She whispers mostly to herself. 

 

“I didn’t know they could program robots to smile!” another exclaims. 

 

_ “Izumi chan I love your smile, why don’t you smile more?” _

 

_ “I’m not used to smiling with friends, Kouichi chan…” Izumi takes a long drink of water. Takuya and Kouji lay sprawled across the side of the soccer field. Takuya lazily lifts a foot up to rest in the other boy’s lap. _

 

_ “What do I look like a personal foot rest, dummy!” Kouji weakly pushes away the offending limb. _

 

_ “You feel like one!” Takuya laughs, wiggling his ankle around to kick Kouji’s stomach.  _

 

_ “Do not!” Kouji insists, shoving harder at Takuya’s foot.  _

 

_ “Do to!” _

 

_ “Do not!” _

 

_ The boys continue to bicker on, somehow switching over how the other ate. Izumi laughs freely at their need to constantly argue. _

 

_ “You should get used to it...Laughing and smiling with your friends, that is. You’re not alone anymore.” Eleven freckles dot across the bridge of her nose. Izumi smiles and gives the other girl a quick hug. They stand from their positions on the turf.  _

 

_ “Oh boys~! Rematch time!” Takuya and Kouji’s groans mix together into one grating note. _

 

_ “Let’s beat them, Izumi chan!” _

 

“Izumi chan.” a voice calls. “Izumi chan!” Kouji has a hand resting against her shoulder, anger in her soft blue eyes. “Don’t listen to them.”

 

“I don’t.” It must’ve been how she said it, Kouichi sends her a look like she thinks Izumi’s lying to her.

 

“Orimoto! Kimura!” the teacher from before shouts, now accompanied by Izumi’s Physical Education teacher.

 

“What’s the meaning of you barging into the boy’s locker room?”

 

“He tried to make Kouichi chan participate even though Kouichi chan has a heart condition.”

 

“In that case, we’d need to have someone watch over Kimura to make sure he’d be okay...But we don’t have an extra aid around here…”

 

“I’ll do it!”

 

“Nonsense.” The older woman shoots her down. Black ponytail swishing with the movement of her head. “You're needed in class.”

 

“None of my classmates like me, you don't like me… I'm the one with the highest grade in the class. I ace any tests and I can jump the highest. I shouldn't need to go if my friend is in a bad situation.”

 

The boys’ Physical Education teacher smirks, the fight was won.

 

“Would you consider a compromise?”

 

“Of what sort?” 

 

“You'll both take the exams but you won't be required to participate in class… that is, not until one day after school during the week. You'll stay behind and perform any of the activities we learned. You'll only need to stay for an hour.” She pauses to look at the two teens.

 

“It will count as both of your participation grades. Does this seem like an acceptable compromise?”

 

“Yes, sensei!” Izumi says, looping her arms through Kouichi’s. Kouichi nods.

 

“You both will report to me for attendance purposes at the beginning of each class. Once you've healed I'll begin helping you with cardio exercises to help strengthen your heart and blood flow. You'll do that on the days Orimoto does her work.”

 

Kouichi nods. Eyes alight with wonder.

 

“Get charged Orimoto, take Kimura to the nurse’s office.”

 

As the pair walk out they can hear the two teachers arguing faintly. 

 

“Is it true...what you said?”

 

“Hmm?” Izumi stops and looks at Kouichi, brows drawn together in confusion.

 

“About everyone not liking you?”

 

Izumi maintains eye contact though it's almost painful.

 

“Yes.” She begins walking again, foot steps light. Kouichi wraps her arms around Izumi’s arm.

 

“I like you Izumi chan.” Her cheeks are dusted pink.

 

“I like you too, Kouichi chan.” They walk to the locker room together in companionable quiet. Izumi peeks into the locker room before dragging Kouichi in with her. “I’m supposed to watch after you, so stay in here.”

 

Kouichi’s face goes pale, blue eyes wide. “You’re going to get yourself in trouble at this rate…”

 

“I don’t mind, one of us has to be openly stubborn!” she winks at the other girl, receiving an exhale of surprise. 

 

“I’m not stubborn, Izumi chan!”

 

“It’s okay to be bull headed, Kouichi chan!” Izumi laughs as her continued protests as she gets changed. She bends down to pull up her black knee socks.

 

It’s deathly quiet in the locker room, Kouichi’s soft wheezes the only noise to interrupt the blanket of nothingness. The girls lock eyes and stare at one another for a minute, not sure what to do when the quiet is more obtrusive than their thoughts. Kouichi bites her lip.

 

Izumi finally breaks the silence, without thought, musing aloud to herself. “Ti voglio baciare…” 

 

“What did you say?” Kouichi’s brow furrows in confusion.

 

“I said...let’s go.” Izumi lies. She’s lied many times about what she’s said in Italian but this is the worst, when Kouichi asks her what she meant.

 

They walk out together and head up to their classroom. Sitting down in their seats, Koizumi wasn’t there so they waited in the empty classroom watching the clock tick. They had at least forty minutes left before their next class. 

 

“So, Kouichi chan...are you an only child? I am.” she twirls an idle finger through her hair. She had to be direct.

 

“Um, well...I have a twin brother.” she looks like Izumi won’t believe her. Izumi smiles.

 

“Is he as cool as you are?”

 

“I haven’t ever talked to him…” her confidence grows the longer Izumi looks at her. “My Grandma told me about him on her deathbed. I’ve seen him before, but that was years ago. I moved after my heart got worse.”

 

“Do you know his name?”

 

“Minamoto Kouji.” Kouichi rests her head against her cool desk.

 

“I wanted to meet him so bad, Izumi chan.”

 

Izumi clenches her fists hard enough to leave four matching crescent marks on each palm, nearly drawing blood.

 

“Then why don’t you?”

 

“What do you mean?” Kouichi still hasn’t lifted her head from her desk. Izumi slides out of her seat to kneel by Kouichi, reaching out a hand to touch Kouichi’s. Kouichi shifts her head to look at her.

 

“I’ll help you meet him, Kouichi chan. He goes to this school...he’s in class B.” Kouichi’s heart seems to rise to her throat. Mouth gaping.

 

“You’d do that, Izumi chan?” Izumi’s hand rests on Kouichi’s loose fist.

 

“Of course, Kouichi chan. I’ll help you no matter what.” Kouichi embraces her, face buried in her neck. Izumi holds her like the world’s foundation is shaking under them. She runs a gentle hand through short blue hair when she feels tears against the skin on the side of her throat.

 

\----

 

After Physical Education they had lunch and then English. Tomorrow it would be Health in place of Physical Education at least.

 

As lunch draws nearer Kouichi’s stomach begins to growl. She reaches into her school bag to look for her lunch.

 

“No...Ugh!”

 

“Did you forget your lunch?”

 

“Yeah, I didn’t get to make it last night and I was really tired this morning. I don’t even have my wallet on me.” Izumi smiles at her, opening her own bag to grab her lunch. The small box was wrapped in a pink cloth.

 

“Let’s share.”

 

“I don’t want to eat all of your food, Izumi chan.”

 

“I packed extra. I have a,” friend? “Stray cat I see on the way to and from school I feed sometimes.”

 

“That’s so nice.” Kouichi looks at her, wide eyed. 

 

“It’s a good friend of mine. Now let’s push our desks together so we can eat.” the girls push their desks together and Izumi lays out the pink cloth, setting her lunch on it.

 

“It’s all from a convenience store I went to the other day, so, sorry it’s not my amazing cooking~”

 

“You don’t look like you can cook…” Izumi playfully swipes her food back.

 

“If you’re gonna be ungrateful then looks like I’ll eat this all by myself!” 

 

“No, no! Wait!” Izumi grins at Kouichi and slides the lunch back over between them.

 

“Just kidding~”

 

Izumi and Kouichi take turns using the same fork as they eat.

 

“Do you want the tomato, Izumi chan?”

 

“Yeah...Wait I have an idea!” Izumi takes the fork and splits the small tomato in half. “Let’s share.”

 

Kouichi laughs “You didn’t split it up evenly!” her eyes twinkle with happiness as she eats her half. Izumi feels like her heart’s nearly ready to jump out of her chest.

 

\----

 

During the movie Izumi doesn’t pay attention to the film, only looking up when they show the princess’ dress. She looks beautiful in her sleep but it wasn’t right for her to be like that. Sleeping and waiting for someone to save her. On her wrist a date is written, her sleeve pushed up enough to expose it.

 

Izumi looks over at Kouichi and begins to sketch. She draws Kouichi dancing in the princess’ blue dress. Her short blue hair flowing like she was underwater. She lingers on the face, paying special attention to the roundness of her cheeks, the arch of her eyebrows. Her small nose…

 

When she looks over again she sees Kouichi scribbling in the margins of her notebook, Izumi’s pink mechanical pencil held between her fingers. Izumi blushes softly, unnoticable in the dark classroom.

 

Girls were supposed to blush when they were being cool or trying to seem cute. Izumi felt like she was neither in that moment. 

 

When she glances over again Kouichi is already looking at her. “What are you drawing?” she whispers.

 

“I’ll let you see after class?” Izumi offers, heart beating furiously against her chest. Kouichi nods, slightly confused but listening.

 

\----

 

At the end of the day they bow to their teacher and class is dismissed. Izumi and Kouichi change out of their school shoes and make their way towards Izumi’s bike. They walk part of the way home, Kouichi’s breath coming out in heavy pants, before Izumi has her climb on the back of her bike.

 

The streets were quiet and all in all it was a peaceful ride, Kouichi’s hands on Izumi’s shoulders. The wind whips their hair around.

 

When they get to Kouichi’s apartment complex they take the elevator up, a dull ding and the doors open slowly. Kouichi pulls out her keys from her pocket, shoulders slumped.

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Izumi chan.”

 

“Why wait until tomorrow? Are you taking back your invite already?” Izumi pokes her at the base of her spine.

 

“Wait...you’re staying for dinner?”

 

“Of course I am, I even talked to your Mom about it.” Kouichi unlocks the door with shaky hands.

 

“You met my Mother? When?”  Déjà vu. Kouichi must’ve forgotten already.

 

“This morning I bumped into her and she said she wanted me to stay over for dinner at least.” Izumi slips off her pink trainers and sets them down by the door. Kouichi closes the door behind them with a soft click.

 

“Oh…Would you like anything to drink?” Kouichi shuffles to the fridge, Izumi can see there’s barely anything in it. A note flutters with the movement of the door. Kouichi inspects it before pocketing it.

 

“Please.”

 

“Is juice okay?”

 

“Yeah, it’s fine.” Kouichi tosses her a canned orange juice. The tab pops with a satisfying  _ sffsh. _

 

“My Mother said she’d be back with dinner at six, is that okay?”

 

“Yeah it’s fine.” She takes a sip of the drink. She had never really been that fond of canned juices.

 

“Do you want to hang out in my room until she gets home?” 

 

“Sure and Kouichi chan?” Kouichi takes her hand and begins leading her across the small space of the apartment.

 

There’s no table, the only furniture being a worn out couch. The house looks  as though it’s cleaned daily. There is no T.V. only a radio. A large bookshelf full of medical text books lines the wall. A few pictures line the remaining bare walls. A few of Kouichi and an elderly lady, a few more of Kouichi and her Mother. 

 

A younger Kouichi with her left front tooth grins as she’s embraced from behind by the same elderly woman. In a corner close to where the T.V. might have been placed lays an altar. Incense and a picture of the same elderly woman that shows up in most of the pictures around the house. 

 

“Yeah?” Izumi stops, standing in the middle of the apartment. Kouichi tenses like she’s expecting something.

 

“No need to be so tense we’re hanging out not battling to the death!” Kouichi relaxes a fraction, letting out a sigh.

 

“I haven’t had anyone over in a long time...I’m just getting used to it heh.” she looks over her shoulder, smiling at the blonde. “Plus I’ve always been a sort of lone wolf.”

 

_ Funny, you strike me as more of a big cat. _

 

Kouichi’s bedroom is as small as the rest of the apartment, a queen sized mattress is situated on the floor, purple sheets and covers spread over it. A dresser set filled with clothes is pushed up against the left wall about a foot away from the door. A soccer ball is pushed into a corner and beside the girl’s mattress is a framed picture of her and the elderly woman. An old blue hat.

 

“Sorry it’s so cramped in here.”

 

“It’s fine.” Izumi drops her school bag and flops onto the bed, skirt fwooshing with her fall. Her arms tucked under her head.

 

Kouichi sits, cross legged on the other half of the bed. Izumi  _ aches _ . They sit together on the mattress, Izumi running her fingertips across the fabric of the bed spread.

 

_ The two girls laid together on Izumi’s queen size bed, counting time in each other's breaths. Kouichi’s blue hair tickles across her exposed midriff. It was summer and they were each only wearing what was necessary, Kouichi in a pair of shorts and a baggy yellow shirt and Izumi in a baby blue crop top. _

 

_ They stared up at the ceiling together, chasing shadows with their eyes. Izumi reaches a hand down to idly stroke Kouichi’s hair. Kouichi’s skin feels clammy to the touch everywhere their skin brushes together. Cheeks flushed and feverish, skin sheet white. _

 

_ Kouichi sighs. Her blue eyes are vacant, a million miles away. _

 

_ “Izumi chan…” Izumi hums like windchimes. _

 

_ “Izumi chan...I’m not getting better.” Izumi’s hand stills for a moment before resuming its soothing ministrations. _

 

_ “I know.”  _

 

“Izumi chan? Are you okay, you’ve been really quiet…” she bites her lip, Izumi tracing her eyes with the movement.

 

“She called you her son, why don’t you tell her?” Kouichi freezes. She does that a lot, finding herself constantly surprised by Izumi.

 

“I know she loves me but I’m worried. Growing up only my Grandma knew.”

 

“I’ll help you tell her, by being your support. I know she won’t think of you poorly.”

 

“Izumi chan.”

 

“You wanted to see what I was drawing right?”  _ Deflect. Deflect. _

 

“Yeah.” Izumi moves her arm and pulls her school bag up to her chest, unlatching the fastenings. She reaches inside to and pulls out her spare notebook. She flips to the page she had been working on earlier. Kouichi scoots closer, sitting next to her head. She hands over the book to Kouichi, their fingers brushing.

 

Kouichi stares at the figure on the paper, running her fingers across the drawing.

 

“Is this me?” 

 

“Yes, I thought the blue dress at the end would look flattering on you.”

 

“The end?” Kouichi tucks a stray clump of hair behind her ear.

 

“Of the movie, I’ve seen it before.”

 

“I see,” then “I don’t have freckles in this. Did you forget?”

 

“No.”

 

“You didn’t forget the mole on my cheek, huh? Kouji has one too.”

 

Izumi feels like screaming for a brief moment. Screaming that she could never forget any detail of Kouichi’s face, As if she hadn’t seen it as much as her own face. 

 

“Do you have any other drawings I could see?” Izumi’s heart clenches up as a blush works its way onto her face.

 

_ Not cool, not beautiful. _

 

“Not now, I can draw you something if you’d like?” Kouichi’s eyes guiltily flicker over to the framed picture by her mattress. “Maybe your Grandma?”

 

“It’s fine! I don’t want to bother you with something hard like that.” Izumi reaches out a hand to grab Kouichi’s wrist. She drops the notebook into her lap.

 

“I don’t mind, Kouichi chan.” Kouichi’s cheeks flush. She shifts uncomfortably at the feeling of a hand on her wrist. Izumi releases her. “I didn’t mean to grab your wrist like that.”

 

Kouichi pulls her sleeves down further. “I don’t mind, Izumi chan.”

 

Izumi sits up to look at Kouichi. Kouichi’s shoulders are hunched up, fingers still wrapped around her wrist. Her dozen freckles stand out against the flush of her cheeks. Though Izumi only looks for a minute, she feels as though the vision before her is burned into her retinas. 

 

“Kouichi chan? Tell me about her.”

 

Kouichi shifts a little.

 

“My Grandma was very kind, she lived with my Mother and me.” Kouichi snorts out a laugh. “Her and me used to do everything together. She gave me my first bath, my Mother was still so tired after she had Kouji and me…” She looks up at Izumi, a small smile on her face.

 

“She told me about Kouji on her deathbed. I felt betrayed at first, I wanted nothing more than to know why my Mother and her had lied to me for the first eleven years of my life. I had always felt like there was something missing.”

 

Izumi remains quiet, moving a hand to rest on Kouji’s shoulder. 

 

“I tried to meet him, I really tried! I saw he was living his own life. He had a new Mom and a dog. I was so angry. My Mother was alone she was scraping to pay bills and raise me, she worked long hours as a nurse. He didn’t even seem to feel like something was missing in life. Like he didn’t want me in his life deep down…” Kouichi lets out a small hiccup. 

 

“I still tried to meet him. I was admitted to the hospital for Bronchitis that day, I’ve been in and out of the hospital a lot over the past five years. It wasn’t until this year the doctors discovered I had the same heart disease that killed my Grandma. My immune system had always been really weak, I’d never paid attention to my heart before.” Izumi moves to fully embrace Kouichi, her shoulders shake.

 

“I’m afraid Kouji might be like me…”

 

“He isn’t.” Izumi’s voice is firm, sure of herself. Kouichi looks at her with teary eyes.

 

“You can’t know that.”

 

“I know a lot of things I shouldn’t be able to know.” Izumi says, sending Kouichi a wink. Kouichi looks into her green eyes, searching for something.

 

“Izumi chan-” Kouichi's cut off by the sound of the door unlocking and a shout of “Kouichi?”

 

Kouichi rises from the bed, sketchbook long forgotten. Izumi follows after her and is greeted by the sight of Kouichi’s Mother balancing a few convenience store bags in her arms. Her scrubs are wrinkled and her long blue hair is going every which way.

 

“Kouichi please set dinner up? I'm going to get changed and take a quick shower.” Kouichi nods and sets to work placing half of the bags’ contents in the fridge.

 

“I hope you don't mind eating on the floor?” 

 

“Not at all.” They set up dinner as Kouichi’s Mother showers, her humming filling the small apartment.

 

She emerges fifteen minutes later long blue hair sticking to her neck and cheeks. 

 

“Wow I needed that!” She swoops down to press a kiss to Kouichi’s cheek. She looks over and grins at Izumi.

 

“Izumi chan! I’m glad you stopped by! Sorry about earlier!” She begins to walk towards the kitchenette but is stopped by Kouichi’s hand on her leg. Kouichi holds up a bottled drink to her Mother. 

 

Kouichi’s Mother laughs, taking the offered beverage. She sits to Kouichi’s right, legs crossed like her daughter’s.

 

“I thought you said you bumped into her?” Kouichi asks unwrapping her sandwich. 

 

“Is that what she told you? It was more like I collided with her and nearly fell down. She swooped me up like a princess though!” Kouichi looks between her the two of them, mouth open wide with shock.

 

“She didn't even tremble! It was like she could have carried me around all day like that without breaking a sweat!” She reaches over to pat Izumi’s shoulder.

 

Kouichi looks over to Izumi for a long moment. 

 

“Is that how I got to class?”

 

“I piggybacked you, I had to be able to open doors and anything else that came up.” Izumi shrugs.

 

Kouichi’s entire face goes bright red.  _ Like an apple… _

 

“I'm not a sack of flour, Izumi chan!” 

 

“Of course not, mia bellissima fiore.” 

 

Kouichi pouts, confusion clear on her face. Kouichi’s Mother looks amused at the display. Clapping her appreciation.

 

“What did you say?” Izumi swallows and lies.

 

“I said “my silly friend”.” Izumi turns her attention to her own meal. She had decided to eat the onigiri Kouichi’s Mother had bought. Tuna and mayo. She wanted to be polite instead of shoving the entire thing down her throat like she wanted to. She could eat four times as much as her classmates but tried not to.

 

“You're the silly one!” Kouichi eats her sandwich, peeling off the crusts and eating them first. 

 

“Do you want a bite of my sandwich, Izumi chan?” Kouichi leans over, sandwich dangling from her fingers.

 

Izumi swallows her mouthful. 

 

“I'm good.”

 

“Now! It’s storytime!” Kouichi’s Mother claps her hands together to draw their attention.

 

“A co-worker met his soulmate today! It was a surprise! Their dates scarred over at the same time!” Kouichi looks surprised by this information. They never really mentioned this part in school for whatever reason. Maybe it was because it ruined the fairytale aesthetic of it all?

 

“Hammer Head came in again today.”

 

Kouichi snorts, nose crinkling up.

 

“Doesn’t he learn? I can’t believe they let him keep working!”  Izumi looks curiously at the Mother and daughter before her. Kouichi seems to sense her confusion as she takes the time to explain.

 

“Hammer Head is called that because everyday, like clockwork, he comes in with a head injury. He hasn’t seemed to exhibit any signs of brain damage and it’s been two years.” 

 

“He’s got a really thick skull! Took all the calcium out of his Mother’s bones~” Kouichi’s Mother supplies. Izumi cringes at the mental imagery. 

 

“Thick headed...huh?” she stares down at the carpet, it's an off shade of gray that was probably once an off shade of eggshell white.

 

_ “You have such a thick head!” _

 

_ “Maybe you shouldn’t have issued a wrestling match!” Takuya crosses his arms over his chest, lip split ever so slightly. _

 

_ “You gave me a bloody nose! Wait… Did you say wrestling match?” all of the color drains from Kouji’s face. Tomoki giggles from a short distance away. _

 

_ “I was trying to kiss you!” _

 

_ “Huh?!” Takuya spits and sputters. _

 

_ “You’re too thick headed for your own good!” Kouji shoves him slightly. _

 

They spend the rest of dinner laughing at silly stories from the hospital Kouichi’s Mother works at. When it's time to go, Kouichi walks her to the door. Footsteps dragging, but shoulders held back.

 

“Thanks for having dinner with us, Izumi chan.”

 

“I had fun. I'll see you tomorrow morning?” Izumi flips her long blonde hair over her shoulder, it seems to float in mid air longer than it should.

 

“You're so nice, Izumi chan…” Kouichi’s cheeks flush, blue eyes sparkling.

 

_ I haven't done anything nice. _

 

“I haven't gotten so far in life because of looks alone~” Kouichi and her share a smile. Secretive.

 

\----

 

Izumi walks home in the dark once more, the occasional street lamp offering her light. Her bike doesn't squeak or make any sound for the matter. 

 

The walk home is quicker than the previous night’s. Izumi knows that the weather won't stay so pleasant for much longer. 

 

Shadows dance across the walkway.

 

_ “You're so nice, Izumi chan.” Her short blue hair framed her face like a halo frames an angel’s head. There's the faintest but if breadcrumbs lingering around her lips. She licks them, red lips shining. The cluster of freckles dotting across the bridge of her nose oh-so-charming.  _

 

_ She swallows and Izumi follows the motion with her eyes.  _

 

_ A man dying of thirst as he looks into a pool of water. _

 

She wallows in her own thoughts, eyes scratchy and heart heavy.

 

She parks her pink bike outside her house and walks up to her own door. The lights are off in her house and she half wants to turn back and ask Kouichi and her Mother if she could come back. Spend the night, anything really. She unlocks the door and steps in, toeing off her pink trainers.

 

She locks up behind her and creeps upstairs to her room. Her window is open and she can feel the soft breeze from outside drifting into her room. 

 

Curled up on her pillow, Liollmon lays, breathing even and deep. She wonders if her pillow is retaining all of Liollmon’s heat.

 

She strips down and gets ready for bed, changing into a blue tank top and pink basketball shorts. She leaves the room briefly to brush her teeth and hair. 

 

She returns a few minutes later, standing above Liollmon. Liollmon’s ears twitch for the briefest of moments. 

 

With a sigh she walks over to her desk and pulls out her notebook. She hums to herself as she sketched out the wrinkles and lines of a woman who smiled all her life.

 

A younger Kouichi slouches just ever so slightly to press her cheek to her Grandmother’s. Kouichi’s making a peace sign with her Grandmother following her lead. 

 

It would have been nice to meet her. The one woman in Kouichi’s life she had always been the most curious about.

 

Kouichi, her Mother, and Grandmother all has the same small nose and thick eyebrows. Kouichi’s Grandmother’s silver hair was pulled up into a loose bun, stray hair curling against her face. 

 

They have the same eyes as well, dark blue like precious sapphire. 

 

She carefully placed a dozen freckles on the bridge of Kouichi’s nose. Pays extra attention to shading Kouichi’s hair and giving the pair’s clothes dimension. 

 

She could spend years trying to convey the expressiveness of Kouichi’s gaze. Instead she only devotes two hours to Kouichi’s eyes. 

 

She adds Kouichi’s blush and looks over her picture, closing her eyes for a moment to visualize the picture. She makes some lines thicker and darker while others she leaves be.

 

She takes a final look at the picture of Loichi and her Grandmother. Izumi flips to a new black page and begins the next sketch.

 

She pictures Kouji as she had seen him last month in the halls. Long blue hair tied in a low ponytail, a scowl on his face. She adds the beauty mark on his face after a second of staring at the page.

 

Next she draws Takuya. Takuya who was  _ almost  _ just as tall as Kouji. His fingers covered by olive gloves. He clung to Kouji as though he wanted to trip the other boy up (and taking great delight when he did manage that seemingly impossible feat). He grins widely at Kouji and though Kouji’s expression is sour, his eyes are tender. Looking at Takuya with a mix of exasperation and unadulterated  _ wonder. _

 

There's a soft blush on both boys’ faces.

 

_ “You're so nice, Izumi chan.”  _

 

_ “It was so tough and lonely to be excluded again, and I couldn’t stand it! That’s why I want to become kinder!” _

 

Izumi lets a tear drop onto the notebook page. She finally closes her notebook and safely deposits it into her school bag, laying out her school uniform as an afterthought.

 

She crawls into her bed, pink bed spread shredded. Izumi wraps herself in a cocoon of her sheets and Liollmon. Liollmon startles awake, teeth bared.

 

When it sees that there’s no threat, it's only Izumi, it licks at her face.

 

“I-zu-mi?”

 

“I’m okay, Liollmon.” the words feel bitter on her tongue, like a lie. She hugs her small friend to herself, shoulders shaking and breath hitching with sobs. Liollmon’s claws accidentally dig in and scratch her chest, Izumi can’t feel it.

 

Can’t feel any of it.

 

“Liollmon do you think I’m a good person?”

 

“Liollmon loves I-zu-mi!” Liollmon looks ready to cry, fat tears welling up in it’s large eyes.

 

“I love you too Liollmon...but am I a kind person?” Liollmon nuzzles its cheek against her wet face.

 

“I-zu-mi is the kindest person!” Liollmon licks some of her stray tears. She presses a kiss to its nose, sniffling like a kid all over again.

 

“This isn’t cool! This isn’t beautiful…” she whispers to herself, eyes puffy and red and so very bloodshot.

 

“I-zu-mi?” Liollmon trembles in her grip.

 

“I’m fine, Liollmon… I’m just fine.” she lessens her death grip on the creature and then. “I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine.” she whispers to herself, shaking her head against Liollmon.

 

“I-zu-mi isn’t okay!” Liollmon insists, nosing against her cheeks. Her chin against her collarbone. “I-zu-mi is hurting!”

 

“I’m fine.” Izumi insists, unrelenting. She bites the inside of her cheek hard enough she tastes coppery dissatisfaction.  

 

_ “Even your stubbornness is a good quality, Izumi chan!” soft blushing cheeks… _

 

_ “I-I guess we really are alike in that way, huh, Izumi chan?” Feverish skin pressed to hers in a desperate embrace, weakened by sickness. _

 

_ “Do you think you’ll be the same after graduation? That I’ll be the same…I hope you stay stubborn and never let anything trample on you. You’re so determined, Izumi chan!” Blood. Blood everywhere, all around. An all-consuming flood. Was she Kouichi’s blood? She seemed to be the only thing keeping her tethered to this balloon. Yes...Kouichi was a balloon never staying for long, you could only chase after her, purple string appearing before you only often enough to convince you that, yes, you should continue on. _

 

_ Izumi chan~! Izumi chan. Izumi chan. Izumi chan... Izumi chan…... Izumi chan.…… IZUMI CHANIZUMICHANIZUMICHANIZUMICHANIZUMICHANIZUMICHANIZUMICHAN! _

 

Izumi wanted to tear at her skin rip it all off until she emerged as her true self. Her flesh now was only a cocoon and soon she would emerge, a beautiful butterfly. Only to die a week later and repeat the process over. 

 

She wasn’t sure who Izumi was most of the time. She stared at herself in the mirror most mornings unable to believe it was truly herself that she saw. Izumi was wild, Izumi was fierce and unconventional, beautiful beyond measure. Green eyes a forest and skin the color of cream many envied. Izumi was tempests and kindness and most definitely not  _ her. _

 

Izumi was the girl Kouichi always befriended no matter what. Izumi was the girl that would die for her in a heartbeat.

 

Izumi wasn’t a girl reduced to crying into her pillow because she couldn’t stop  _ remembering _ . Because she was too pathetic to do anything.

 

“I’m fine.” she repeats over and over until the lie becomes easier to believe, a second skin meant to protect her heart. 

 

_ “Izumi chan you’re always so truthful! I feel so relieved knowing you’ll never lie to me!” fingers wrap around her wrist, squeezing gently as Izumi drowns in her eyes. The soccer ball falls out of her grip, rolling away from the two girls. _

 

_ “I don’t ever lie to you either!” Kouichi says. As she pulls Kouichi to her, chest to chest, arms wound tight...It feels as though Izumi is voluntarily stabbing herself in the heart.  _

 

Izumi falls into a fitful sleep, relaxing against her friend slightly. Liollmon licks her face again before settling down to guard Izumi’s sleeping form. Who ever had invaded her heart would never be forgiven.

 

_ “Izumi chan do you like anyone?” Kouichi sits on the edge of a fountain. Izumi remembers this spot, her family had come here during their stay in Italy. It was strange though, had Kouichi ever been to Rome? Nonetheless The Trevi Fountain stood behind Kouichi. Izumi couldn’t keep her eyes from Kouichi even then. _

 

_ “That’s silly, I don’t like anyone.” it’s only a half lie. She never liked anyone but Kouichi and even then like was a small word. She loved the other girl. _

 

_ “Why are you lying, Izumi chan?” Kouichi plays with a bouquet of twelve red roses in her lap. She has a serene smile on her face. When Kouichi was mad at her she was always direct unless it were truly serious, trying to hold back. _

 

_ “Kouichi chan!” Izumi clenches her fists and her blood drips onto the pavement. She can’t help but feel a tear of frustration leak out of her eye. _

 

_ Not cool, not beautiful. Not how a girl was supposed to be...Not how Izumi Orimoto was supposed to be at all. _

 

_ “I want the truth, Izumi chan...you always remember but you never tell me things. Why do you always remember everything?” Izumi had too many answers for that. _

 

_ Ofanimon hadn’t wanted Kouichi to be alone throughout her journey. That Izumi could never forget someone like Kouichi, would never. She couldn’t forget even if she wanted to. _

 

_ It was the price of her selfish wish. Her last ditch effort to save her friends. Save her best friend. _

 

_ “I don’t want you hurting. Girls support each other, Kouichi chan.”  _

 

_ “Why won’t you look at me?” Look at me. Look at me. As if she could resist something like that. _

 

_ “I am.” _

 

_ “Open up your heart, you’re too guarded for no reason…” Kouichi plucks a petal off of each rose every second Izumi doesn’t answer. Izumi feels like her heart is being impaled. This was too painful, all of it. Love shouldn’t make a girl feel weak to her knees and as if she could soar at the same moment. _

 

_ “It’s always open.” Izumi insists. For you. Every time her eyelashes flutter shut in a blink their appearances change. They’re both eleven, dressed for the digital world. They’re eight and covered in flour. They’re last time. Izumi struck by bolts of lightning everywhere, sticking out of her, Kouichi’s tears are endless. This goes on for twenty four blinks. _

 

_ A pink and purple ribbon laced together, like lovers. _

 

_ “No, it isn’t.” Kouichi looks at her and only her. _

 

_ “Why do you want to know, now of all times?” Most of the roses are barren now, green thorns long like blades. _

 

_ “Because you say you’ll never lie to me…” Izumi drops to her knees on the old pavement. How tragically romantic they were in Italy, she should be confessing and that bouquet of roses should be from her and… _

 

_ “I love you, Kouichi chan.” Kouichi’s silent for a long time. The last petal falls. The intertwined ribbons begin to fray. _

 

_ Izumi hears footsteps from behind, unable to keep her eyes off of Kouichi’s face. Kouichi's not looking at her now. Only at whoever was behind Izumi. _

 

_ “Kouichi!” A scratchy voice shouts. Her blood runs cold. She could remember when Kouji and Takuya were her best friends. Before they became closer to each other. Before she met Kouichi, still ashamed of her actions and upset with everything- remorseful- _ **_“Cheer up, Kouichi~”._ **

 

_ “Takuya!” Kouichi drops the stems of the roses she had torn apart. She stands and Takuya meets her halfway. He takes her hand in his gloved one and stands on his tiptoes to tuck a lilac behind her ear. The ribbons snap and cease being tied together.  _

 

_ “Kouichi chan!” Her cries fall on deaf ears. A fallen angel looms above Rome and laughs. Only Izumi can hear it. _

 

_ “Dead or alive!” it shrieks. Two orbs descend on the city, one dark and the other light, they blast everything until it’s gone. _

 

_ How tragically romantic they were in Italy, she had confessed and that bouquet of roses were from her and… _

  
_ Nothing turned out as Izumi would've hoped.  _


	4. Sleepover (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izumi thinks too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Strangulation/suffocation, major character death, chronic illness, I don't know what else to warn for?

Izumi wakes up to an empty bed once again, her pink pillow tear stained. She stumbles to the bathroom and brushes her teeth quickly. Her usual grace has abandoned her and in it’s wake a heart broken teenage girl stumbles along.   
  
She checks her window before she leaves her bedroom to make sure it’s still open. She can hear her parents snoring from where she tiptoes around. It takes her longer than usual to leave the house, feet not wanting her to move on.   
  
She continues to fumble around until she feels the breeze greet her good morning. It felt so nice, sending a burst of confidence singing through her veins, she stands straighter. She wasn’t going to get to Kouichi’s house in time if she kept ambling along like a directionless child.   
  
The path to Kouichi’s apartment was becoming more familiar than the back of her hand. Kouichi’s Mother is nowhere in sight as she parks her bike outside of the complex. She takes the steps three at a time today, restless with the need to see her friend- her best friend. When she’s all but five steps away from Kouichi’s door, Kouichi’s at the door to greet her.   
  
“Izumi chan you came!” she says as though she were expecting Izumi to leave her behind. As if she were waiting for the blow to come and wanted it to come sooner rather than later when she would be too attached to bear it   
  
“Of course I did!” Kouichi locks the door behind her and Izumi watches her. She sees the pink of her cardigan tied around Kouichi’s waist. Kouichi notices her staring and blushes, scratching the back of her head uncomfortably.   
  
“I washed it for you- I mean… I was going to give it back today- here!” she moves to take the garment off before Izumi’s hand on her wrist stops her. Her hand shakes a little under Izumi’s hold. Izumi smoothes her hand out over the fabric to calm her down as best as she can.   
  
“Keep it, I don’t mind. You should really wear it so you don’t get sick.” Kouichi frowns and opens her mouth to speak again.   
  
“Are you sure Izumi chan? It’s really nice and I don’t want to ruin it!” she tries to argue, not wanting to seem weird for keeping something of her friend’s.   
  
“I don’t mind at all, really. You’d look cute in it.” Kouichi blushes tomato red.   
  
“Fine if you insist…” Kouichi laughs at how easily she gives in, even holds Kouichi’s bag as she slips it on. The sleeves bunch awkwardly with her long sleeved shirt underneath but she looks undeniably cute.   
  
“Let’s go, Kouichi chan.” she offers her hand and Kouichi takes it, their fingers naturally lacing together. Like purple and pink ribbons. They leave the apartment and ride Izumi’s bike to school.   
  
They take their shoes on at the same time and laugh at how in sync they are. Izumi prays that Kouichi doesn’t find it weird how often she keeps staring, pure unabashed staring. In class they get their notebooks checked during all of their classes and smile politely at their teachers. During break is when Izumi can breathe a sigh of relief. It’s only fifteen minutes long but she needs to collect herself.   
  
She feels Kouichi’s fingers curl around her wrist, not the wrist she wanted to feel her touch. She looks at Izumi with concerned eyes, not wanting to ask or more accurately- not knowing how to. Izumi loses herself in her blue eyes finding solace in the fact that she’s there...with her.   
  
_ “Izumi chan have you ever kissed anyone?” Kouichi’s hand weakly grips hers. The lights of the hospital reflect on her sickly skin. She feels so hot to the touch it’s nearly unbearable.  _

 

_ Izumi holds her more carefully, reluctant to break contact. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Never.” she whispers, a secret between best friends. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Is there anyone you’ve ever wanted to…” she fumbles with the words not sure how to go about it. Izumi had never expressed interest in anyone, at least never around her. They told eachother everything though… _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Yes.” Izumi says after a moment’s hesitation, green eyes searching Kouichi. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Oh.” she sounds defeated to say the least. A drop of sweat rolls down her face. Her short blue hair sticking up in strange directions or completely plastered to her forehead. She’s pale white as a bride’s wedding night sheets. She can’t imagine herself at any point where she’s ever felt kissable but in this moment she feels as though enough money in the world could never hope to persuade anyone to kiss her. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Say what’s on your mind.” Izumi’s voice is still soft like a mid afternoon summer breeze. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I was wondering… Could we maybe?” her question hangs throughout the air. She usually rushed into things without much thought but now she was worried- worried that her request may have her friend turning her back on her. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Can I kiss you, Kouichi chan.” Kouichi can’t see Izumi’s face clearly, her hair covering up her expression. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Huh? You really want to kiss me? I don’t look really kissable right now, I know-” Izumi cuts her off vehemently. She stands from her seat next to Kouichi and moves to the side of Kouichi’s hospital bed. She sets her free hand down to cup Kouichi’s soft face, leaning in above her face. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You’re beautiful.” Izumi’s lips quiver as she moves in closer, her own lips hover over Kouichi’s chapped lips. Kouichi’s eyes widen like saucers. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Izumi places Kouichi’s free hand on her shoulder. Kouichi’s knuckles turn white with how tightly she grips the fabric she’s met with. Izumi leans in even further, long blonde hair creating a curtain of privacy. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “We can be each other's first kiss, it’s okay. Just...don’t think you’re anything other than beautiful.” Kouichi nods her head a fraction, eyes still so wide. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ A dying girl recieves her first kiss in her hospital bed while the snow begins to fall outside, creating a blanket of white over everything. A bouquet of a dozen dying red roses sits at her bedside. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Izumi can feel Kouichi’s tears hot against her cheeks, feels her smile against her lips. Izumi wouldn’t trade this kiss for anything...except Kouichi’s life. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Their lips are still against each other keeping the kiss chaste. Neither girl moves to deepen the kiss, content with the soft pressure. Kouichi’s mouth felt like it was cotton balls on the inside, only half remorseful to only experience one kiss. They part after a minute, Izumi’s forehead resting against hers. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I love you, you know that, right? Kouichi chan?” Kouichi laughs, tears falling faster. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Even after death you’ll always be my best friend, Izumi chan!” Izumi’s heart stops, feeling as though it’s being crushed in the most cruel way possible. There was nothing she could do, no bullet she could take, no ocean to swim. _

 

_ To hop into alternative selves like some Invasion of the Body Snatchers hellish nightmare.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You’re my best friend too, Kouichi chan!” she wants to press kiss after kiss all over Kouichi’s face and try to convey how she feels. Instead she sits on the edge of Kouichi’s bed, rubbing soothing circles into Kouichi’s knuckles and talks about absolutely nothing. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Kouichi’s grip grows fainter and the rise and fall of her chest gets slower and more irregular. Kouichi leaves Izumi all alone in a hospital room, her only company the shame of her cowardice and the bouquet of dying roses. _   
  
“Izumi chan?” Kouichi asks, breaking her out of her thoughts finally. “What were you thinking of?”   
  
Izumi’s heartbeat sky rockets for a moment before she regains her bearings. Kouichi is there before her, breathing and looking at her with concern in her deep blue eyes. Izumi grounds herself by counting all twelve freckles on her friend’s face.   
  
“I was thinking about how excited you’ll be when I show you something when I drop you off.” Izumi lies and feels her skin crawl.   
  
Not cool. Not attractive.   
  
She moves her hand to hold Kouichi’s hand instead. Kouichi’s fingers flex against hers for a moment in surprise. Her eyes fill with soft wonder at the contact. Unused to closeness from a friend.   
  
“Do I get a hint of what the surprise will be?” Izumi winks in response, heart feeling lighter than a feather when Kouichi laughs at her expression. Kouichi’s lashes flutter and Izumi’s attracted to the movement nearly unable to stop herself from leaning in and getting her second first kiss.   
  
Hushed voices and unabashed stares pierce through the air at Kouichi and Izumi’s display. Unaccustomed to Izumi being so playful. She wasn’t one for interacting with the other students, only speaking when spoken to by a teacher or the occasional, albeit brief conversations held between her and another student. If you could call exchanges in which she told someone what the teacher needed a conversation.   
  
Most, if not all, of the students disliked her and were mistrustful when it came to the blonde girl. Those that didn’t dislike her were prevented from talking to her by their peers’ judgement. Izumi was fine being alone- at least that’s what she told herself, trying her best to forget the past.   
  
The pair talk about silly, nonessential things for the rest of break. Classes are as monotonous as usual, uneventful in the most horrible way possible, slowly boring Izumi to death. Kouichi brings meaning to the day with her smiles and occasional, quiet jokes.   
  
Izumi stares at the way her pink cardigan seemed made just for Kouichi to wear.   
  
Lunch is spent combining their lunches and sharing what’s inside.   
  
Kouichi unwraps her convenience store sandwich and rips it in two, handing one half to Izumi before starting to eat her own. Izumi looks down at the ham, lettuce, and cheese sandwich.   
  
“Do you want my crusts?” she offers, beginning to neatly tear at her crusts. Kouichi looks at her half for a moment, longing in her eyes, before she refuses.   
  
“It’s your half.”   
  
Izumi peels the last of her crusts off and hands them to Kouichi. Kouichi takes them without further complaint, munching on them happily. “Thank you, Izumi chan.” their classmates that remain stare at them.   
  
_ Izumi sat down on Kanbara Takuya’s porch, it was midsummer and incredibly hot out. The sun is close to setting and Izumi can feel the Cicadas begin to rouse themselves from whatever rest they were in. _

_ Must be nice. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Her blue tank top’s straps clung to her sweaty shoulders. She wouldn’t say they were sweaty though. Takuya lays next to where she’s sitting, feet bare and toes wiggling around to feel the last rays of the sun. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Takuya?” she begins, a plate with two sandwiches sits between them. She isn’t hungry. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Yeah?” he doesn’t look at her, eyes shut tight. He’s only wearing a loose shirt and shorts himself. Though he’s free of his usual hat, his goggles hang around his neck. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Have you ever met Kouichi before? Why did she have to… What’s it like sharing a body with Kouichi, her soul latched on to you. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Instead she requests “Can you let Kouichi eat these sandwiches with me?” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Huh?” he looks dumbfounded, as he usually does, still surprised she knows. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Please.” she hates the look he gave her, a mix of pity and sorrow. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Don’t look at me like that. Don’t look as if you understand, as if she hasn’t liked you more times than countable. Don’t look at me. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Takuya relents and Kouichi sits up, Takuya’s body still so strange to be in. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Izumi chan?” she asks in Takuya’s voice. “Is something wrong?” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Izumi laughs when she’d rather scream and cry. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Let’s eat these sandwiches and watch the sunset together, ne?” She takes on sandwich, ham, lettuce, and cheese. Peels all the crusts off and puts them on Kouichi’s half of the play. Kouichi looks surprised before she eats the crusts Izumi gave her, starting on her own afterwards. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “How’d you know I liked the crusts?” she asks after a minute. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Intuition, past lives, able to tell from the look of you? Take your pick.” she laughs along as Kouichi giggles, voice so different from what Izumi’s used to. She can tell it’s her though, can tell from the way her chest feels lighter because of it. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You’re silly, Izumi chan.” she says. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “So...How does it feel?” Izumi asks, throat thick with unshed tears. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Strange. He’s shorter than me! But it’s nice even if I didn’t like it at first. It’s nice being able to have friends and talk to Kouji and my Mom even after…” she chokes with Takuya’s voice. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Do you like him, Kouichi chan?” her heart pounds but she already knows the answer her heart can’t help but hope against. Takuya’s lips part and his cheeks turn red. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You don’t need to ask me something like that!” Takuya’s voice cracks. Izumi’s heart shatters but she laughs along, following a well played script. _

 

_ A part she had played too many times already. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You do~” Kouichi swats at her, Takuya’s hand free of his usual gloves for once. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “He’s cute but I don’t know if it would work out. We kind of share the same body and he’s never looked at me strangely like he has a crush!” Who wouldn’t love Kouichi? She was the embodiment of wonderful. A withdrawn girl that followed her impulses and jumped into situations head first...and inevitably fell. Sometimes she had trouble expressing herself but when she did...she was stunning. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Fiery passion and soft blue eyes. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You should tell him. You’ll be happier in the end…” Girls looked out for each other's best interests. Girls supported other girl’s love lives. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I don’t think I should.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Who wouldn’t love someone as great as you?” Izumi lets the sentence slip out and wishes to regain her words from the air for a second. She had meant those words but didn’t want to deal with the backlash they may receive. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Coward. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You’re silly, Izumi chan.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ The porch creaks as she leans over to embrace the other girl, head resting on her shoulder. It’s Takuya’s brown hair that tickles her neck. Izumi reaches up a hand to grasp Takuya’s goggles. It feels as though she’s holding Kouichi in the palm of her one hand. _

 

_ Her fingers don’t tremble. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Do you ever feel like we’ve met before? I felt like that when I first saw Takuya and then when you first came to visit me in the hospital.” Kouichi asks from her place against Izumi’s neck. Izumi feels ready to cry. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Yes. I must’ve been born to meet you or become the world’s smartest doctor?” Izumi tries to joke but she knows Kouichi sees through her. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “If you were born to meet me then I must’ve been born to meet you too, Izumi chan...If this hadn’t happened then I probably wouldn’t have met you…” Izumi feels sick to her stomach flip. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ She wants so badly to brush her lips against Kouichi’s. But those are not Kouichi’s lips. She isn’t holding Kouichi’s body to her. It’s not Kouichi’s breath fanning against her skin. She isn’t the one Kouichi likes and that’s okay. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Instead she hugs Kouichi closer. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ The sandwiches lay unfinished on the plate as the sun sets, darkness steadily surrounding them. Kouichi doesn’t let go of her once, never moving from where she sat, arms wrapped around Izumi. _

 

_ It was moments like this that made her dreadful wish worthwhile. Gave her hope.  _   
  
“Dang.” Kouichi interrupts her from her thoughts.   
  
“What’s wrong?”   
  
“I forgot a drink.” Kouichi says, voice low and frustrated.   
  
“We can share.”  Izumi offers, pulling the thermos out of her bag and onto their desks, pushed together.   
  
“Izumi chan! I don’t want to eat all of your food!” she protests, eyeing the thermos nonetheless.   
  
“It’s fine.” She pulls out a bag of small marshmallows from her bag. “With or without?”   
  
“With.” Kouichi relents, licking her lips slightly. Izumi dumps the entire bag in, white covering the chocolate top.   
  
Izumi takes the first drink, sighing at the taste. She had made it this morning while she was fumbling around like a child newly learned how to walk. It tastes good. She passes the drink over to Kouichi and watches her blow over the steaming liquid. Kouichi takes a drink, Izumi following every movement.   
  
When she sets it down again Izumi reaches out to take the next drink, thermos freezing inches away from mouth as she stares at it.   
  
_ “An indirect kiss…”  _ She takes it another few inches closer before she stops, lips trembling. She sets the kiss down disgusted with herself. Girl’s weren’t desperate to share the same cup as their crush.

 

She had to watch her figure anyways, like her Mother had told her. She wishes she was eleven again in the Digital World free to eat however much she chose.    
  
Not cool. Not beautiful.   
  
“Izumi chan?” Kouichi asks startled by the sudden clang. She looks at Izumi with concern, wondering if she had upset Izumi accidentally.   
  
“I think my lunch gave me heartburn. I don’t think I should drink anymore, you have the rest.” she manages to muster a smile for her best friend. Kouichi can see she doesn’t want to talk further on the subject and relents leaving well enough.   
  
Izumi watches Kouichi drink the hot chocolate, until there’s nothing left in it. Her insides feel a lot like the thermos.   
  
In health they go over food groups and receive a review to work over as participation. Tomorrow they will have this unit’s final exam and go onto home making. Izumi liked sewing but personally would rather never cook. Kouichi seemed rather excited by the news.   
  
“I’m actually really good at cooking I’ll do really good on this unit!” she says to Izumi, voice hushed.   
  
“You’ll have to help me, Kouichi chan. Maybe I’ll be able to get the chance to eat your cooking often?” she jokes.   
  
“I’d make you anything you wanted as long as it’s not baking. I haven’t baked since my Grandma died..”   
  
“No chocolate chip cookies? Bummer!”   
  
_ We can share! We can share! We can share! We can! _ _  
_   
“Do you really like chocolate that much?” she looks guilty, remembering how she had drank Izumi’s hot chocolate earlier.   
  
“I’m sure I’ll love anything you make me.” Izumi reassures, hand reaching out to rest on Kouichi’s. She blushes.   
  
“You’ve never had my cooking before!” she says, pushing at Izumi’s shoulder even though she maintains a grip on the blonde’s hand.   
  
“I just know I’ll love it!”   
  
“Izumi chan!” Kouichi whines, a smile curving her lips.   
  
Izumi can feel their classmates staring but doesn’t pay any mind to it. They complete the paper in no time.   
  
During English they pass notes to each other and giggle quietly to themselves.   
  
_ I don’t even need this class, Kouichi chan...I’m glad you and I are in this together though… _   
  
_ I’m glad too! I’m decent at English but my pronunciation is bad since I missed school so much.  _ Izumi giggles at Kouichi’s note.   
  
_ You have me now, so if you need any help catching up I’ll be there. _ _  
_   
_ You’re so nice, Izumi chan. I don’t want to rely on you too much… _   
  
_ “Rely on me! Girl’s rely on each other, let me be important to you!”  _ Izumi screams internally.   
  
_ Are you coming over tonight? _ _  
_ _  
_ _ I don’t know. Did you want me to? _ _  
_   
Kouichi hesitates for a moment, cheeks turning red as she scratches out a reply.   
  
_ Yes. I wanted to know if  _ the words _ “have a sleepover”  _ are scratched out and in their place  _ you wanted to stay for dinner. _ _  
_   
_ I’d love to have a sleepover, Kouichi chan.  _ Kouichi reads her note and giggles excitedly. Twelve freckles standing out against her blush.   
  
“Is there something you needed to ask, Izumi and Kimura?” their English teacher asks, glaring at the girls. Kouichi opens her mouth to speak, but Izumi has her beat.   
  
“Kouichi chan wanted to know how a word was pronounced.” Izumi speaks trying to divert the teacher’s attention from Kouichi. Their teacher frowns at her, obviously not believing her.   
  
“And the giggling?” her glasses slide down her nose a fraction as she stares the girls down.   
  
“Kouichi chan asked me how to pronounce the word “purple” in the word sheet. Kouichi chan thought it sounded funny and I agreed. We won’t disrupt the class further out.” Kouichi giggles when she says purple to seem convincing. Their teacher seems flabbergasted at Izumi’s response, pushing up her glasses with her index finger.   
  
“Very well. Now, class we will be doing pages 118-124 in your English books and remember, there will be a test on the movie next Tuesday.” she takes her seat and begins grading papers while her students work on the assignment.   
  
It’s too easy and Izumi’s left bored ten minutes later. Kouichi’s still working on it, chewing on the inside of her cheek as she read through the questions.   
  
Izumi watches her struggle with question nine.  _ What was the name of the opening song and the song Phillip and Aurora danced to? _ _  
_   
Izumi decides to help her out when she tries a third answer “Previously met”. She writes down the name of it and stretches her foot out to touch Kouichi’s ankle. She startles looking around before her eyes settle on Izumi. She shoots her a confused look, half mixed with a little anger. Izumi subtly points at her paper and Kouichi’s eyes widen.   
  
There was no explicit warning to work independently.   
  
She copies down the answer looking ever so slightly guilty as she does it. After that she’s able to figure out the rest and before the teacher goes they all have a minute to turn their work pages in. Izumi can see a few people turn in completely blank papers. They leave their notebooks to be checked as well.   
  
Bowing to the teacher at the end of the day they are dismissed. Kouichi and Izumi walk to their cubbies, comfortably together, and put on their after school shoes.   
  
“What should I make for dinner tonight?” Kouichi asks, voice rattling with barely contained excitement.   
  
“I don’t know, burgers?”   
  
“I don’t have the stuff!” she says, brows furrowing. Izumi laughs and unlocks her bike. The stares burning into the back of her neck.   
  
“She’s stealing someone’s soulmate!” crows one kid.   
  
“How shameless!”   
  
“He’s wearing her clothes!”   
  
Kouichi thankfully doesn’t seem to notice anything, chattering away about how her Mother would be so excited to see she would be staying over. A casual thursday night, and though they don’t have T.V. Kouichi hopes Izumi doesn’t mind. She doesn’t.   
  
Izumi climbs onto her bike and Kouichi gets on behind her, without thinking, continuing her conversation.   
  
“I wonder if my Mother will be home in time to eat with us?” Izumi’s pulse skyrockets at the thought of being home alone with Kouichi. Palms sweating against her handle bars.   
  
“Hopefully.” Izumi says.   
  
Kouichi’s palms are warm through her uniform jacket.   
  
They ride to Kouichi’s house in companionable quiet. Izumi’s able to make it there in half the usual time thanks to being able to focus on just pedaling. Kouichi’s voice doesn’t distract her like a favorite song.   
  
When they reach Kouichi’s apartment Izumi doesn’t wobble like a toddler, but Kouichi does, back feeling strange from the position she had kept it in. They take the elevator upstairs and when they get to Kouichi’s apartment she opens the door as if it’s second nature.   
  
If it had been Izumi her palms would be shaking. It isn’t Izumi- fortunately.   
  
“We’re home!” Kouichi yells out into an empty apartment. When she finds no sign of her mother she sighs dejectedly.   
  
“I guess she isn’t- wait..what day is it?”   
  
“Thursday.” Izumi replies automatically.   
  
“She has a double shift, she only works four hours at the hospital Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. She’s at her part time job right now.” Kouichi runs a hand through her short blue hair.   
  
“Is that a problem?” Izumi asks, heart in her throat.   
  
“No, but she’ll pass out as soon as she gets home, I was hoping to talk to her a little.”   
  
“It’s fine,” Izumi says, taking Kouichi’s hand in hers. “You have me to talk to at least?”   
  
“You’re silly Izumi chan!” Kouichi squeezes her hand without question. They retreat to Kouichi’s room and look over their homework, Izumi can’t remember having as much fun doing Geometry as she did tonight.   
  
“Hey Izumi chan, what was that surprise?” Kouichi asks when they’re done, laying on Kouichi’s queen sized mattress. Izumi laughs at her eagerness.   
  
“I hope you’ll like it, I didn’t spend too long on it though.” Izumi doesn’t consider five hours long.   
  
Kouichi’s interest is now thoroughly piqued.   
  
“I’ll love whatever it is, I’m sure of it!” Kouichi insists, bright blue eyes locked on her face. Izumi pulls out her spare notebook and flips to the first page she had worked on last night, handing it over to Kouichi.   
  
Kouichi stares down at the drawing in shock. She was awestruck.   
  
She reverently strokes the lines of her and her Grandma. She wasn’t able to believe what she saw. Couldn’t believe.   
  
“You almost perfectly recreated the photo!” Kouichi chokes, grabbing the framed picture and looking at them side to side. “I love it! This is the best surprise-” Izumi cuts her off with an uncertain smile.   
  
“Flip to the next page.” she says, hands subtly gripping the fabric of her uniform skirt. It feels hot in Kouichi’s room even after she discarded her uniform jacket, top buttons of her blouse undone. Kouichi looks up at her curiously before doing as asked.   
  
Kouichi stares holes into the page as her gasp fills the room.   
  
“I-Izumi chan this is-” she cuts herself off a sudden sob bubbling up her throat. She begins to cry earnestly, hugging the notebook to her chest tightly.   
  
“I-Is this what he looks like, now?”   
  
Izumi nods, watching her best friend cry tears of joy and grief. She reaches a shaky hand up to touch the mole on her cheek- the same mole her brother has.   
  
“His hair is so long! It’s so pretty!” She hugs the papers so tightly they begin to crinkle, she pulls the book back quickly, trying to smooth the paper out.   
  
She hands the notebook back carefully.   
  
“Would you like to keep them?” Kouichi nods, wiping the tears from her eyes with Izumi’s pink cardigan sleeves. Izumi tears the pages out with practiced precision.   
  
“Who’s that boy with Kouji?” she asks. Izumi laughs, reaching an arm out to wrap around Kouichi’s shoulders.   
  
“That’s Kanbara Takuya.” a dark fuzz overcomes Kouichi’s expression, eyes unseeing for a moment. Goose bumps erupt across her whole body and her skin pales dramatically.   
  
“Kouichi chan?” Izumi knows that look well.   
  
“I was hit with the most sudden feeling of dread and nostalgia…” she explains trying to shake it off.   
  
“There’s more to it.” Izumi urges.   
  
“Well...Don’t think I’m weird.” Kouichi’s eyes are guarded and she looks incredibly nervous. “It was like a daydream. I imagined I held him in my arms as he died. Kouji was dead, two other kids were dead. You..even you were dead!” She doesn’t want to seem to get into more details so she stops herself. Izumi hugs her tightly.   
  
“You’re not weird...It must’ve been really scary.”   
  
“It was! He was dead...everyone was and I felt responsible! Even you were dead, you were all broken! I haven’t known you for very long but it feels like I’ve known you forever. I never want something like that to happen to you!” Izumi swallows her tongue to avoid speaking out.   
  
Yes, they did know each other! Will know each other! Wants to tell her it’s okay because girls die for eachother. It’s okay because she loves her so much it physically hurts.   
  
She holds Kouichi tighter instead. Kouichi cries for a minute before pushing away to wipe her eyes. Her cheeks are red, eyes puffy. Snot drips out of her nose. She’s the most stunning person Izumi’s ever seen- will ever see. There’s nothing she can do but smile.   
  
“I’m sorry for crying on you, I need to not get so overwhelmed by something as strange as that.” Kouichi moves to push away, but Izumi stops her.   
  
“It’s not strange.” she says “Crying is never bad for anyone to do, especially girls. You’re really strong, Kouichi chan.” Izumi remembers how Kouichi’s always ready to cry at any chance. Crying when happy, sad, mad- having trouble keeping her tears in check.   
  
She was always so beautiful even when she stood, back straight and tears of righteous fury streaming down her face as she beat a monster in human skin to death for the first time, last time had come at a costly mistake.   
  
They leave Kouichi’s room to eat dinner, Kouichi makes them eggs because while her Mother had gotten groceries, neither girl had much energy. Kouichi fries them both up eggs and tries her best not to fall face first into the pan. She felt years older in a second. Kouichi yawns.   
  
“Kouichi do you want to just go to bed? I’m tired.” she was tired but she knew she wouldn’t end up sleeping, she’d only stare up at the ceiling like a heartbroken fool.   
  
“Sure.” Kouichi doesn’t have the strength to oppose to such an inviting retreat. Kouichi takes some type of medicine, won’t tell Izumi the name of it, before they head back into Kouichi’s room. The apartment is so quiet and there are no noises outside, not even the welcoming rustle of wind greets Izumi’s ears. Looks like she was truly alone.

 

  
All she can hear is their movement and the soft sound of their breathing, all too loud in her ears.   
  
“Crap.” she whispers to herself.   
  
“What’s wrong?” Kouichi asks, expression worried.   
  
“I didn’t bring any clothes.” Kouichi looks at her for a moment before her words sink in. Her face goes red.   
  
“I kind of sprung it up on you without thinking! I’m sorry. You can wear some of my clothes.” Kouichi rummages through her drawers and pulls out a shirt and a pair of baggy shorts for her. Kouichi takes off her own shirt and gets dressed in her own night clothes. When her head emerges from her night shirt, her hair’s a fluffy mess, sticking up with static electricity.   
  
Izumi strips and changes as well, the shirt is soft even after what appears to be years of use. It’s purple and only the slightest bit baggy. The shorts are a tacky red most likely bought second hand, she pulls the draw strings tighter.   
  
Izumi politely looks away from Kouichi’s wrists and Kouichi does the same but...she had caught a glance at Kouichi’s wrist. No color, no date. She’s all the more conscious about the red date on hers.   
  
They crawl together and lay under Kouchi’s thinnest sheet, heavier one push aside. Facing each other they stare into the other girl’s eyes for a long while.   
  
“Izumi chan why do you think we have soul mates?” she asks suddenly.   
  
“I don’t know things like that.” Izumi whispers, looking away from her friend. It hurt too much.   
  
“Do you think it’s possible not to have a soul mate?” Izumi’s eyes sting.   
  
“Yes.” Kouichi’s lower lips trembles.   
  
“Do you think they’re freaks?”   
  
“No, I don’t.” Izumi says. She wants to scream until her voice goes hoarse. Kouichi lifts up her wrist and shows Izumi what she already knows. Nothing is there on her wrist.   
  
Izumi holds her hand and watches Kouichi close her eyes as though a weights been lifted off of her shoulders. She closes her eyes too and sighs. Kouichi eventually falls asleep and Izumi is left to stare at her best friend’s sleeping face. Everything hurt. She counts Kouichi’s lashes instead of letting her eyes slip closed. She eventually hears Kouichi’s Mother come home, weary and exhausted, passing out on the couch without even taking off her shoes.   
  
Instead of sleeping she remembers.   
  
_ “Izumi! Let’s get ice cream!” Takuya shouts at the top of his lungs as if she wasn’t right next to him. She laughs without anger in her, punching his arm gently. It was so hot out today, humid as possible. Izumi wore a purple crop top and yellow shorts, her pink trainers drug across the pavement. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Takuya wore his same yellow shirt, forgoing his cargo pants and over shirt, wearing brown khaki shorts instead. Ankle socks replacing his usual long socks. He has absolutely no fashion sense. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Let’s see if Kouichi chan and Kouji can come?” Kouichi and Kouji had had a sleepover just last night, Kouichi had called her, voice excited. _ _  
  
_

_ It was infectious.  _

_  
_ _ “You sure they’ll wanna go? Aren’t they twinning?” Izumi looks at Takuya strangely for a beat. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “What?” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Y’know… doing the twin thing where they read eachother’s minds and cry over baby photos, try to get their parents back together.” Takuya helpfully waves his hands as he speaks, as if that explains it all. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “That’s the parent trap…” a bead of sweat runs down her face. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “No that’s- that’s twinning!” Takuya continues on as if he hadn’t described the basic plot of the parent trap. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “That’s not a thing.” Izumi insists and they bicker all the way to Kouji’s house. Kouji’s Mother greets them at the door, sweating in the heat as well. She pushes her glasses up her face. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Takuya, Izumi! Kouji and his- sister are upstairs in his room. They were crying over baby pictures together not that long ago…” Takuya shoots Izumi a triumphant look and when Kouji’s Mother turns around she sticks her tongue out at him. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ They ascend the stairs and knock of a door with Kouji’s name written on a blue sign. It’s cute and oddly domestic. Izumi can’t remember ever doing anything like that with her parents. They were usually gone, never home. When they were they rarely paid attention to her. She had been raised a single child like Kouji had but had never been dotted on. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Kouji comes to the door, surprised to see two of his friends so suddenly. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Takuya? Izumi? What are you guys doing here?” behind him they can see Kouichi being smothered by Kouji’s dog, petting him up a storm. Her laughter fills the room. She pokes her head out from under the mass of fur to try and peek outside the bedroom door. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Izumi chan?” she asks head tilting in unison with Kouji’s dog’s. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Yeah, Izumi and Takuya are here, Nee san.” he says, barely turning his head to talk to her. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “So what are you two doing-” he’s cut off by Kouichi. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Guys have you ever pet Kouji puppy before?” Kouichi asks _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Nee san, he’s not a puppy! He’s really old!” he sighs and looks helplessly at the pair. “She’s usually so reserved- like me- but as soon as she saw my dog-” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ The dog barks at Kouji, licking all over Kouichi’s cheeks. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I can’t believe her sometimes.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Takuya’s laughing, pushing Kouji aside before jumping on the bed and beginning to pet Kouji dog as well. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Hey off my bed!” Kouji shouts, face flushed. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You’ll let your dog up on there but not your bestest best friend? What kind of man are you?” Takuya and Kouichi laugh on Kouji’s bed. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “The kind that doesn’t let some mannerless guy go trapezing around on my bed with my sister and my dog!” The room is silent, everyone staring. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Oi! Not like that you pervert-” Takuya waggles his eyebrows suggestively at Kouji. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Oh so you don’t like me getting into bed with your sister and your dog? Afraid I’ll steal them both!” Takuya cackles as Kouji throws a pencil sharpener at him. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “It’s cute how protective you are of your big sister!” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “We’re twins!” Kouji stomps his sock clad foot against the carpet, fuming. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I’m a whole day older than you, Kouji…” Kouichi says, covering her mouth to try and contain her laughs. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Nee san don’t take that idiot’s side!” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “See I’ve already stolen your sister and dog! Now I have to go for Izumi and your Mom and Dad!” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Don’t joke like that it’s not funny!” Kouji sticks out his tongue at Takuya. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Izumi remained silent throughout the exchange, speaking up when it quiets down a little. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “We wanted to know if you guys wanted to come and get ice cream with us?” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Kouichi tries to look at Izumi again, Kouji in her way. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “We should go! I want to eat ice cream with you and Takuya and Izumi chan.” Kouji sighs, rubbing a hand across his face. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Let’s get dressed, then.” Kouichi reluctantly stands from the bed, giving a final pat to Kouji’s dog. She’s wearing her usual white pants and one of Kouji’s tank tops, it’s a dark blue, straps wide. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You’re really gonna wear that, Kouichi? You’ll sweat to death!” Takuya stares at her, incredulity painting his face. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I agree with knuckle-head-ya.” Takuya glares at him. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Takuya, knock it out with the lame nicknames!” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I always wear these pants?” Kouichi pats any hair off of her and straightens, walking past Kouji to give Izumi a hug. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Do you think these pants look bad, Izumi chan?” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You look really pretty in them, Kouichi chan.” Kouichi grins at her and looks to her pouting brother. _ _  
  
_

_ “I’ll be fine, Kouji.” she leans down slightly to press a kiss to her brother’s cheek. He blushes at the affection, entire face, down below his shirt collar, a bright red. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You look like a lobster, Kouji!” Takuya crows from Kouji’s bed. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Hey we’re leaving, get off of my bed!” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Nah!” Takuya says, being a pain for no reason other than to rile Kouji up. Kouji goes over to the bed to wrestle Takuya off of it. When five minutes later, they’re still going at it, Izumi calls for it to end. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Let’s get going! I want to get Ice cream not watch you wrestle and get all sweaty!” they don’t respond as if they hadn’t heard her. It’d be a miracle not to hear her loud, booming voice. Izumi gives them another minute to stop before she pulls them apart and grabs each of them, one under each arm. They squirm for a second, eyes wide with surprise before they go limp, waiting to fall. When they don’t they begin to break out into a cold sweat. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You’re like a fire fighter, Izumi chan!” Kouichi looks shocked as do Takuya, Kouji, and even Kouji’s dog. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “We’re going, get the doors for me?” she asks, carrying the two boys like squirming sacks. They leave Kouji’s room and descend the stairs. Kouji’s Mother sees them before they leave. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Oh my! Izumi don’t throw out your back!” her glasses slip down her nose. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I’m fine. We’ll be back in a few hours.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Wait- we don’t have money for our ice cream, Izumi chan.” Kouichi says before Izumi can squeeze out the front door. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You and I can share a banana split, we’ll share!” she says. Kouji’s Mother gives Kouichi ten dollars for her son’s ice cream. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Have fun kids!” she calls out, staring as Izumi walks out the door with her son and his friend. Kouichi smiles politely at her. _ _  
_ _  
  
_

_ It was easier talking to Kouji’s Mother than trying to start a conversation with their Father.  _

 

_ “We’ll be back soon, Kouji’s Mom.” she follows behind Izumi, door clicking shut behind her. They all walk about five blocks before Kouji and Takuya start to protest. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Stop showing off!” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You’re not even straining or sweating?!” Kouji shivers against her and she sighs, slightly annoyed. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I wanted to get ice cream. I wasn’t going so stand around all day and watch you to wrestle with Kouji.” Izumi shifts her hold when they begin to squirm again, restless and nervous. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Hey, Kouichi chan did you play video games with Kouji last night like you said you were going to?” Kouichi tucks some hair behind her ear, mostly ignoring Kouji and Takuya in favor of answering Izumi. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Yeah, we played Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty. It’s a little old, but we had fun on his PlayStation.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I’ve never played that game before, I’ve only ever really played Kingdom Hearts.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Kouji didn’t have that game when I brought it up, kind of a bummer. I kicked his butt last night though. Being an older sibling has its benefits, I guess.” Kouji glares and shouts. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “By a day! That’s barely older!” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “What is your workout regimen?” Takuya asks, out of the blue. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I don’t work out.” Izumi says simply, flipping her long blonde hair over her shoulder. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “There’s no way you don’t work out!” she didn’t have to work out, only had to remember and she’d be filled with strength that wasn’t entirely her own. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ She finally drops them after the 12th consecutive complaint. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ They fall down together in a tangle of limbs and groans. She reaches out a hand and Kouichi takes it as if it's second nature, they walk together swinging their hands like a swing set. Kouji and Takuya follow them, undeniably disgruntled. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ They finally reach the ice cream shop and Izumi orders her and Kouichi an extra large banana split. Kouji follows after them ordering a chocolate-vanilla twist in a dish. Takuya asks for a large scoop of the flavor of the day. They wait ten minutes, the air conditioner chilling them to the bones, it was extra cold in ice cream places during this time of year.  _

 

_ Tomoki would have loved it. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ They take their treats outside and walk to the nearby park to eat their ice cream. It’s close enough that their ice cream doesn’t melt automatically. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Kouichi and Izumi share the same spoon, passing it between them every bite. When only the six cherries at the top remain Kouichi takes the first, eating it and spitting the stem out into a napkin. Takuya perks up from his seat a foot away. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You guys got cherries? Give me your stems!” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Why would we do that?” Kouichi asks confused. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I wanna show off something I heard before summer break. You tie the stem with your tongue and teeth and show off how good you are at kissing.” Kouichi looks reasonably suspicious. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I’ll show you!” Takuya takes the stem from Kouichi’s napkin and pops it into his mouth, moving his tongue around inside and trying to tie the stem. After about five minutes he manages to tie it. Spitting it out into his gloved hand to show off. Loosely tied and about ready to undo. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Top that!” Kouichi looks between Takuya’s hand and face, squinting at him. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “It can’t be that hard.” She has Izumi eat the next cherry before popping the stem in her mouth. Her cheeks and lips barely move, ten seconds later a double knotted cherry stem. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Takuya’s eyes bulge out of his head. “No way!” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I was right, it wasn’t that hard.” Kouichi looks at the stem for a moment before putting it in her paper napkin and eating the next cherry. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I guess your sister’s a good kisser?” Takuya says to Kouji. Kouji scowls, batting at his head. “I wonder if it’s genetic?” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Can I have the stem, Nee chan?” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Sure?” She hands it over to Kouji. He stares it down like it’s an enemy that’ll end the world if he doesn’t defeat it. He pushes any stray hairs out of his face. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I’m ready.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ He takes about the same amount of time as Takuya did, knot tighter. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “That’s really hard…” He says, looking at the ground and scratching the back of his neck. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Izumi eats the next cherry and tosses the stem into the dish. Kouichi laughs at the tiny blush on her face before eating her last cherry. They throw away their trash and return to the benches. Takuya’s already antagonizing Kouji again, waving the other boy’s bandana around like a flag. Kouji follows him as he weaves throughout the children’s playground set. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Hey, Izumi chan?” Kouichi asks, knocking her shoulder against Izumi’s to draw her attention. Izumi looks over to her, taking her eyes off of Takuya and Kouji. _

_  
_ _ “Yeah?” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Do you ever..Do you feel like..” she stutters unsure of how to get her thoughts across. Izumi waits for her to gather herself. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Do you ever feel like you’ve met me or Kouji or Takuya before?” The question leaves Izumi’s insides churning. She can faintly hear Takuya’s playful laughter and Kouji’s yelling. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Yes.” She says. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Do you believe in soul mates?” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I don’t know.” Izumi says, not wanting to put the pieces together. She doesn’t want to know. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I think I believe in them...but we make our own choices in life.” Izumi bitterly thinks to herself ‘do we really’ as she gazes upon Kouichi’s beautiful face. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “That’s a nice thought.” Izumi says instead of nothing. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I’m glad I met you, Izumi chan. I hope if we do live our lives over and over, that we’ll always be together.” Kouichi rubs at a red cheek. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Even if we weren’t, I’d come find you.” Izumi promises. She offers her pinky out to Kouichi. They lock pinkies together. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I want to always be able to know it’s you, somehow even if it’s only deep down inside.” _ _  
_ _  
_ ‘No, you don’t.’ _ Izumi thinks. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Kouichi gets up and runs after Takuya and Kouji, trying to get in their impromptu game of tag. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Izumi watches her short blue hair bounce in the breeze. _ _  
_   
Izumi presses the collar of her borrowed shirt, inhaling Kouichi’s smell. Kouichi lays next to her, snoring, drool at the corner of her mouth. Her shirt collar slips a little, exposing part of her shoulder.   
  
“You’re so cruel, Kouichi chan.” she says, scooting closer and wrapping her arms around the sleeping girl. She closes her eyes and tries, again, to follow her.

 

Pining after her best friend…   
  
Not cool. Not beautiful.   
  
Izumi wakes up to her friend dozing in the crook of her arm, drool against her skin. It feels strange. If Izumi closes her eyes long enough she can imagine they’re girlfriends and taking a nap together before Kouichi’s Mother gets home.   
  
Izumi doesn’t imagine.   
  
She creeps out of the bed, as quietly as possible. Kouichi shifts, missing her warmth and letting out a low whine before she starts snoring again. She pads out into the kitchenette and begins to make coffee, after a few minutes the smell manages to rouse Kouichi’s Mother.   
  
“Izumi chan? You stayed over?”   
  
“Yeah.” Kouichi’s Mother wipes the sleep out of her eyes, her long blue hair sticking everywhere.   
  
“Where did you sleep?”   
  
“With Kouichi chan.” she grabs two mugs and fills them with the hot liquid, handing one to Kouichi’s Mother. Her uniform looked as if she’d battled a twister and lost.   
  
“So that’s why he slept so well last night...He usually has really bad nightmares. Must’ve felt safe with you there.” Kouichi’s Mother says wistfully. She takes a drink of coffee before spitting it out.   
  
“Hot! Hot! Hot!” her tongue hangs out of her mouth as she fans it. “Milk, please.”   
  
Izumi opens the fridge and passes the milk to Kouichi’s Mother. She pours a little in her cup before tilting her head back and pouring some in her mouth to cool it down. She passes the milk back to Izumi.   
  
Izumi takes a measured drink of her black coffee.   
  
“Aren’t you a little too young to be drinking coffee, do you even like the taste?” Kouichi’sMother asks suddenly. Izumi looks into her reflection in the cup. She sees someone who could’ve passed off as her.   
  
“I hate coffee.” she finishes off her cup quickly before returning to Kouichi’s bedroom.   
  
Kouichi lay in her bed, sheets kicked off and limbs everywhere. Her hair resembled a bush moreseo than actual hair. Drool trails down her chin. Izumi wants to never leave this room, wants to live a life where they could be best friends without something horrible happening.   
  


 

Wants to be like Takuya and Kouji.   
  


 

Kouichi had rolled over to her side of the mattress, trying to take in as much warmth as she could from her area. Her face screws up in her sleep whenever she moves and doesn’t feel anything against her. Izumi peaks outside of Kouichi’s bedroom to look at the time, it’s still early. Earlier than she ever wakes up normally. Far too early for Kouichi to wake up. Instead she sits at the edge of Kouichi’s mattress and sighs, head in her hands.   
  
After a minute she hears a loud yawn, Kouichi’s joints cracking as she stretches. She blinks up at Izumi, expression dazed.   
  
“Huh?”   
  
“Go back to bed, Kouichi chan.”   
  
“I don’t wanna. I should start on … breakfast.. Probably…” she blinks rapidly trying to shake the sleep blanketing her mind off. She smiles at Izumi.   
  
“Why aren’t you asleep?”   
  
“I made coffee for your Mom.” That seems to do the trick in waking her friend up. Kouichi’s blue eyes shoot wide open and she sits up. She straightens up her shirt and doesn’t even bother with her hair.   
  
“My Mother got home safe? I fell asleep before she got home.” She hops off of the mattress, Izumi rising with her.   
  
“I gotta see her.” she scrambles to leave the room, tripping on her pants from the night before. Izumi catches her, situating her bridal style in her arms. Kouichi’s eyes are screwed tight at first, until she realizes she isn’t falling. She blinks her eyes open and looks up at Izumi, confused.   
  
“You held my Mother like this?” Kouichi asks, brows knitting together.   
  
“Yeah.” Izumi carries Kouichi out of the room and takes her to the living room. Kouichi’s Mother nearly spits out her coffee.   
  
“Are you trying to sweep all of us Kimura’s off of our feet, Izumi chan?” Kouichi laughs and squirms out of Izumi’s hold. Going over to her Mother.   
  
“Sorry I wasn’t awake when you got home. I took my medicine and crashed. I’m glad you got home okay.” Kouichi’s Mother draws her daughter into a hug, kissing the top of her head.   
  
“I’m glad I got home okay, too.” she laughs a little, running her hand through her daughter’s short blue hair. Both of their hair’s a mess.   
  
“You can have first shower, Kouichi.” Kouichi looks like she’s ready to argue until her Mother gives her a stern look. She concedes and heads into the small bathroom, Izumi hears the spurt and sputter of the shower start.   
  
Kouichi’s Mother lays back down on the couch, coffee only half finished. She covers her eyes with one arm. When her sleeve slips down, Izumi can see it’s not scarred over.   
  
“You can have the bathroom after Kouichi if you want?” Kouichi’s Mother’s voice is muffled just the slightest. Izumi wants to decline but doesn’t, going back to Kouichi’s room to look at her uniform. While Kouichi is in the shower she slips it on, pulls her black socks up to her knees. After about ten minutes later Kouichi returns to her room, clothes from last night on as she towel dries her hair.   
  
Kouichi smiles at her and changes into her clothes for the day. Her uniform would be in by next Friday. Without thinking she slips on the pink cardigan Izumi can given her only yesterday.   
  
She wondered briefly if things were moving too fast, but it felt so night. It was as if they had known eachother for years, had been meant to be best friends since day one. Kouichi can tell the other girl doesn’t believe in fate but that doesn’t matter to her. Some things were fate, but fate could be changed.   
  
She wants to not go to school today, heart fluttering like a caged butterfly in her chest. This was the best she'd slept since her Grandma’s death. Didn't want to waste such a good day on something boring like school.   
  
Watches Izumi tuck her crisp white blouse in, giving up. She couldn't ask if Izumi would skip with her. It was still a wonder she was even here in the first place.   
  
Kouichi brushes her hair once it's mostly dry and shuffles out into the kitchenette to start on a simple breakfast and arrange her and her Mother’s lunches. Pauses for a moment.   
  
“Izumi chan what do you want for lunch?” She calls across the quiet apartment. Izumi poked her head out of Kouichi’s room.   
  
“Whatever you give me.” She shrugs her shoulders noncommittally.   
  
Kouichi packs Izumi mostly snacks in her lunch.   
  
“We need to go grocery shopping tonight.” Kouichi says to her Mother.   
  
“Okay~” today was one of her Mother’s off days, Kouichi knew she'd have to take money from her Mother and get Groceries after school. She wasn't particularly looking forward to that excursion.   
  
She's half tempted to ask if Izumi wanted to walk with her. Inevitably her need to not seem extremely clingy overruled any indecisiveness she felt.   
  
Izumi eats her toast with strawberry jam, downing a glass of milk to help it go down. She comes out holding her lunch cloth and wraps the container with it. It's a nice pink. Her’s is a faded blue that probably had stars on it at some point long before the over use.   
  
“We're going to school!” Kouichi says pocketing some cash. Izumi watches her do it but, strangely, says nothing. As if she expected it.   
  
Kouichi’s Mother slurs out an exhausted “love you” or at least that's what it sounded like from Izumi’s vantage point at the front door. She very well could have told them the date of the end of the world.   
  
It was probably the first thing.   
  
Kouichi locks the door behind her, pocketing the keys. There's more than one key though Izumi isn't sure how many locked doors Kouichi would need access to. There's 12 keys and they all rattle like bells.   
  
Izumi feels dizziness nearly over come her.   
  
_ “Izumi chan!” Kouichi shouts, trying, trying to reach her mangled body. Izumi laughs on the inside. It felt like her life had somehow become a dollar sci-fi novel. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “It's okay.” It wasn't but she couldn't be weak when her friends needed her. Izumi coughs. She can't move, choking on easy breaths. There's blood everywhere around her, on her, on Kouichi. About every where except in her. She's losing blood rapidly and she knows she won’t make it. Izumi makes a request. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Her fingers twitch to grab Kouichi’s. Kouichi notices and laces their fingers together. Her fingers are broken and she feels like fire licks across her body everywhere. Every touch and every not touch burns her alive with the white hot pain. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ She hiccups a sob. Izumi doesn't want to see her best friend cry. Hadn't made her wish only two times ago for it to be in vain. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “P-please kill m..me. I don't want to suffer in front of you or anyone else.” She chokes the words out, coughing. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Kouichi shakes her head, tears splashing against Izumi’s bruised face. Izumi tries to smile. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “N-no! You'll make it! I killed it… you can get through this!” Izumi looks up at her, taking in her features. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Blood all over her, in her soft blue hair. Her short hair stood on end, slicked up with death. Izumi takes in her soft cheeks, short nose. Her mole on the left side of her face… her three freckles. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I'm not getting any better,” she wheezes a laugh then, quieter. “I'm not going to make it.” Kouichi’s wide blue eyes look at her and only her. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “What are you saying?!” She looks terrified, unable to do anything other than shake her head at Izumi. She's tried putting pressure on Izumi’s wounds but it only hurt her, blood seeping through the spaces between her fingers. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Izumi drags her hands to her throat. It hurts so much. Kouichi’s hands are shaking like leaves. She settles Kouichi’s hands around her neck. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I'd rather you be the last thing I see before…” she trails off as Kouichi’s cries grow louder. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I… I can't, Izumi chan!” She tries to move her hands but a firm grip from Izumi stops her. Izumi's vision whites out, returning with black dots dancing across it. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Don't let me die pathetically. Let me die with dignity. I want to decide how… not some overgrown talking squid…” Kouichi can't help but laugh at the last part before she chokes again. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Kouichi straddles her hips, hands around Izumi’s neck. Her weight is reassuring. She can't feel anything below her hips, refusing to look down at her legs. Kouichi’s hands shake too much. Izumi reaches a hand up to stroke her friends face. Her fingers are too twisted up for it to have been comfortable. Kouichi cries in earnest. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Izumi chan.” She says, all she can say. She knows she won't be able to stop her or change her mind. Izumi had been there for her for so long. She owed the other girl. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “We’ll always be best friends, Kouichi chan.” Izumi reassures, she keeps her eyes on Kouichi until her crying face is forever imprinted in her mind. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ A girl gives her last breath to her best friend, leaving her all alone to fight a battle children shouldn't have to. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ She stands above Kouichi’s body in her funeral. Well, her remains. The urn stood at the front of the church. It's a pitch black. Izumi imagines if she screams and screams, Kouichi will eventually scream back. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Imagines herself opening the urn and letting Kouichi’s ashes spread throughout the breeze. Kouichi wouldn't be trapped then. Trapped to die, trapped only to repeat a single month many times over until she is able to do it right. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ In the wind her and Kouichi would be free to be together . _ _  
_ _  
_ _ She still can't believe how Kouichi died. If she had been there she could've done something. She felt tears burn her eyes but doesn't cry. Only a handful of people attend. Kouji, Takuya, herself, and Kouichi’s Mother. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ It's sad that given how great a person Kouichi was- is- hardly anyone came. Death had taken her early before she could meet people, develop friendships. Make an impact on the world around her. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ She remembers the day clearly. She had been grounded. Kouichi wanted her to come along with her to visit Takuya and Kouji. They had all wanted to make practice shots on the local soccer field. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Izumi had told her through the telephone that she couldn't go even though she wanted to. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “It's okay! I'll see you around, Izumi chan?” If Izumi had known she would've kept Kouichi on the phone, rushed out despite the punishment she'd receive. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ She did nothing. Hung up and rolled onto her stomach to groan into her pillow. One of the things she regrets the most, other than _ _  
_ _ not stopping her is her not saying “I love you” before ending the call. _

 

_ She had been hit by a truck, having not seen her. They'd had to cremate her. Izumi knows Kouichi looked both ways but couldn't say anything of what she felt. No one would believe her. _

 

_ She does nothing as she stares at the urn. She wears a purple dress and her makeup is done. The image of beauty. Izumi wants to pull her skin off until she emerges, battle ready and beautiful. Wings moving behind her. She wants to be stronger so she can protect everyone- protect Kouichi.  _

 

_ Kouji’s crying a few feet away from her, hands covering his face, breaths coming out in gasps as he tries to stop. Takuya has an arm wrapped around him. He looks up and glares at her. _

 

_ “You're really heartless, Izumi! Where are your tears?!” Izumi seethes internally, grinding her teeth together. Takuya doesn't stop there. _

 

_ “Aren't you supposed to be her best friend?!” That does it. Izumi marches over to him, heels click clacking.  _

 

_ He glares up at her. They had been best friends for awhile, a long time ago. _

 

_ She feels her rage boil over and punches him square in the jaw. His eyes go wide and he’s on the floor in seconds. Kouji is speechless.  _

 

_ Izumi drags him up by his shirt collar.  _

 

_ “Don't assume how I feel!” She jabs a finger towards him in emphasis.  _

 

_ “You'll never understand! She's gone and I couldn't do anything!” She glares daggers into him. Kouji puts a hand on her shoulder but she jerks away.  _

 

_ “You didn't even understand her! How she felt about you.” She shakes Takuya. “How I felt about her..”  _

 

_ “Izumi..?” They ask together, Takuya still holding his jaw. _

_  
_ She's brought back to her senses by Kouichi’s hand on her arm.

  
  
“Let’s do our best.” Kouichi says.

  
  
“Yeah…” 

**Author's Note:**

> I will try to update daily! What a challenge!! This is a major WIP! I won't edit too heavily while posting.


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